Thursday, May 01, 2008

Graham Cooke, Tuesday Afternoon 2

http://gracefellowship.libsyn.com/index.php?post_category=2005%20GOIAM%20Conference

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Graham Cooke Tuesday Afternoon 2

1 Peter 2:4-10

You also as living stones are being built up

You are a choice stone…

This stone is for those who believe, but is a stumbling block for those who do not believe…

You are chosen to be of royal priesthood. People for God’s possession so that you may proclaim the excellences of Him who has called you out of darkness into His light. You have now received mercy.

The question in change is: How can we sow for tomorrow when we are still reaping today from things we did in the past? There are mindsets; people have mindset.. Romans 8 says that a mindset on the flesh is death. Everyone has mindsets…part of our leadership role is to teach ppl that that mindset won’t get you anywhere. You need to change your mindset.

Sometimes ppl are bothered by something they did in their past. I remind them that God doesn’t care now and that you have to let it go. If you want to be dead to it you’ll be a new creation. If all you’ve thought about it has brought you to this place, well, then have another thought. Think again. What could you think about? Have another thought. Repent. Change the way you think.

We don’t’ realize that when we try to control ppl we are not allowing the holy spirit to work in ppl. We need to think about our attitudes.. what is the Kingdom attitude about homosexuality? What do you do if God brings a pedophile to your church. Who are we for everyone? What is God like? What would you do if God brought a general who used to be in the occult? What do we do about these things?

Who is Jesus for you? What kind of church are you supposed to have? What is the corporate anointing on this house? Every church has a specific anointing…they need to figure it out. IT’s important to get a hold of ppl’s dreams b/c that will help you with what God has for the church.

You are precious in the sight of God. I know that I am loved outrageously. I will go through what I have gone through again b/c what I have inherited far surpasses any pain that I have experienced. The places that God has taken me in the spirit….

Jesus worked with three ppl before He left them…it takes at least three years for a paradigm to change in the Body. We need to look at the future…who will we be in the next year? We need to keep our change continual.

The course change is gradual so that it’s not even that noticeable. There is an art to change. People will move towards it b/c they love it. When God prophesied to you it’s because he is saying, “this is who I see you to be” He’s seeing you in the future and speaking from a place of reality. A reality in the future. You need to go into that future and figure out what kind of person you need to become to fulfill that role. Follow that prophetic destiny. You start becoming that person….you take on the characteristics in the present that God declares for the future.

Abraham has a visitation (gen. 17-18)..from this point you’ll be here…Sarah laughed…God asks, what are you laughing about? God stops and says to the angels, ‘shall I declare to Abraham what I am going to do since I am about to do this?” He starts relating to you in the way you’ll be in the future. When God speaks to your future then he starts to behave towards you as if it is the future. He links the present to the personality He sees in the future.

A lot of our ppl are present-past…they let the past affect the present. Baggage vs. luggage. Your bags have always been packed by someone else. Can you imagine going on vacation and allowing your bags to be packed by your worst enemy? You get to florida and its all winter clothes. That’s what it’s like to live with the past in the present…your bags are always packed by others. You need to pack your bags in anticipation of what’s going to happen and always leave room for things to bring back. That’s the difference btw baggage and luggage. God is not obsessed by sin; he is consumed by life. God doesn’t see sin because of Jesus. He doesn’t see what’s there—he sees what’s missing. Everything is seen through grace. Btw that judgment and the next we are living in a time of grace. We don’t see what’s wrong we see what’s missing.

Lust—it’s not about that sin…what’s missing? Holiness. So prophesy holiness over that person. The last thing you need is to be told that you are in sin…we know that…you are consumed with what you are not. You need to be encouraged to be who God is making you to be. Don’t let yourself be disinherited.

“The Lord wants to drench you in holiness”

“The Lord has a dream about you that requires you to be drenched in holiness.”

We are on this journey and God has given us a whole bunch of ppl. Some are present-past and some are present-future. We need to all be present-future. We draw the line btw the present and the future…

In any group of ppl you have three types of ppl: Enablers, Initiators, and Resisters. Ppl who make things happen, help to make things happen, and those who hinder it. You cannot build your church on resisters…they are like the poor—you’ll always have them.

If you want to talk about dreams, talk about it in small groups and start with ppl that have a dream and make sure you know what it is. Initiators are pioneers and they’ll make things happen. They are go-getters. They’re happy with starting with nothing. Quite often they are frustrated. I like that. I’d rather have 50 frustrated than 500 apathetic. But I’m okay with frustration b/c it means that they care about something. Sometimes I wont’ go to a church b/c there’s not enough frustration. Frustration means that ppl are ready to pay a price. He builds our frustration to a point that we’re willing to do anything…get out of a boat and walk on water. The last thing I want to do is try to be a catalyst in a damp place. Instead you need to pray b/c it’s not time. You have to be ready to make that move…

With a building prophet you get a different ministry than an encouraging prophet. A building prophet prophesies the next level and then helps you build a staircase to get to the next level. The encourager comes, encourages, and then goes.

We don’t want renewal that doesn’t last. We want to take a battle to get the ground and a battle to keep the territory. That’s a different fight. So building prophets establish something—we don’t just talk about it. We are here to pave the way. Here are the steps you need to take next. We need to get a hold of the dreams of our initiators…they are pioneers, they are frustrated, they want to get out there and do something.

God never had a problem naming ppl but he had a problem numbering them. All of David’s mighty men had a name. They had a name and a name for something. Don’t ever number your ppl b/c numbers are irrelevant. God changes names out of something significant happening. You should always name the ppl you can build on. Name the initiators. Who will get out there and make things happen? Who will help to pull these things forward? Who are the ppl you can get behind?

Who are your enablers? They help make things happen. They may not have a lot of initiative, but they’ll get behind stuff when they see it staring. Point of the spear are the initiators and the shaft are the enablers. You need both and they work together.

Who are these ppl? These are the ppl we’ll start with. You can not build on resisters. It’s like building on a sponge. You have to start with ppl that are moved by something. You’ll build on the initiators and enablers. They have a level of ability and desire.

Resisters…are newly faithed and are learning to walk out their freedom and their faith. There should always be legitimate resisters b/c we’re helping to set them free. We need to bless them to a point that they can walk out of the bondage. Illegitimate resisters are the ones who need help to walk out of the pit but won’t give you any authority in their life. They want a place in ministry but there are places in their life that have not been dealt with. You know the ppl who have not gone through the fire. You get a witness in your spirit.

You need to start with a small place. Start to enfranchise the ones that we know are trustworthy. Look at their dreams and establish them. Then start branching out. It grows exponentially. It doesn’t take long to turn a church around. You just need focus. Start with what you got and work from there.

It is important for us to be set free if our ppl are going to be set free. Church leaders need to be able to set ppl free from the money game, the power game, and the prestige game. We have to be released form that. We’ve got to find faith in God for the corporate man he has given us. And there is a kingdom place God wants to open us up to. He doesn’t want to keep us isolated from the kingdom. He wants to build the church for the kingdom. If we leave out the kingdom we don’t fulfill the heart of God. God mentions the kingdom more than the church. The kingdom is more important. We have to have a philosophy that says other churches matter. We need to have a ppl that have an apostolic mindset so that they are looking out to the rest of the city. A network is the means to an end not the end itself. We spend our lives building the kingdom. We need to create an environment to grow up in the kingdom. We have a network of 8000 churches in 44 countries out of a bunch of students years ago. From the Pentecostal all the way to ppl who couldn’t spell prayer.

We wanted to do an evangelistic campus crusade…on the third night the holy spirit fell and we never did that crusade but we were all speaking in tongues that night. Then we got thrown out of every church in the city b/c we were considered to be too radical, but this was England in the ‘70s. if you could spell apostle you were radical. We were feeling uneasy about starting a church. The only place we could get was room for the blind and the deaf. God is funny eh?

So we didn’t know what we wanted. We knew what we didn’t want. So we kept asking God and had endless dialogue for about a year. Then we saw that the New Testament is mostly about relationships. So we started living like it spoke of…encouraging one…loving one another…years later there are 8000 churches. They’re all still together. We’ve not had anyone leave us. We found a way of living with God and living with one another. Our prayer has never been ‘holy spirit come. It’s holy spirit don’t leave us’ It’s not how do we get him here, it’s how do we get the holy spirit to stay.

God lives in our relationships and in the way we live. God often describe himself as Abraham Issac and Jacob. That’s a three generational punch in his heart. Fathers need to become patriarchal , or in the new testament apostolic.

God had them dismantle everything we knew and to sow ourselves into the greater kingdom. So the work of 25 years…We are working with the Lord to sow this into the soil to see something bigger. In our own city we began to see other churches and where they were struggling and we’d help them. We’d lend them our best worship team for six months knowing that some of them might not come back. We’d lend them some of our best leaders, knowing that some of them wouldn’t come back. And God really blessed us outrageously.

We do leader development all the time b/c you have to keep leaders up to pace with the growth. We have to have leaders ready to step up when we grow. You don’t develop leaders after you grow. You do it beforehand so you have leaders ready when you grow.

The Lord would begin to give us names and we’d say, they’re not ready yet…but then this course of leadership exploded with the presence of God. God gave us a quickening spirit…what would normally take 5 years he did in one year. How does God redeem time? He speeds up your development. What could take 5 yrs he does in one.

We sent out our worship team that we had developed for years… and God used these ppl he grew up in three months…and they could lead us into a deep place of worship.
By the end of that time, we had more worshippers than we knew what to do with. God did things we had never expected.

God said, do you know why I’m blessing you? b/c I trust you with the kingdom. It’s one thing to trust the Lord and it’s quite another thing to be trusted by the Lord. He made us into a catalyst; a generous catalyst that could give things away knowing that God would always provide. Our apostolic abilities was not for just our network but for all churches whether they liked it or not. We’ve given hundreds of thousands of dollars away, leadership, etc. We’ve supported two churches salaries. It’s a fascinating thing when you give yourselves away to the kingdom—you get outrageously blessed.

Give away to another ministry. Sow something. Always sow something that you want to grow into. I teach my children this as a principle. I told my son to sow into other drummers that he wanted to grow into. So he found some really good drummers and served them and sowed into their music and he has become quite an outstanding drummer. He’s taught this band about sowing and reaping and they are all pre-christian. Always sow into the area that you want to move into. You can never stop sowing. Never eat your seed. You need to be sowing your seed. You want to reap out there somewhere…the place where you’re moving into. That’s why it’s so important to get ppl to dream outside of themselves.

Don’t’ make the mistake of trying to make change from the pulpit on Sunday morning. If you want transformation then you start with the ppl that are already hungry for it. If you want radical renewal you start with the ppl who are already frustrated. You don’t start with ppl that want things to stay the same.

We need to create momentum to the place that we are going. So we need to start with ppl that are already yearning for something more. When they start to move, trust me the resisters will move.

There was one church I was going to and the Lord wouldn’t tell me anything about this church. 30 minutes from the church the Lord showed him a picture of a church and said, “son we’re going to punch a hole in it and let it sink below the water line and let all the rats leave and then patch it up again.” This was a church of 700ppl. Over the next few wks we lost about 540 ppl. You can only lose the ppl who are not with you anyway. The truth is they don’t belong with you. They belong somewhere else.

So we punched a hole and patched it and several months later they were back up to 1100 ppl. The problem is the catalysts were outweighed by the resisters. We had a leadership that wanted everyone to be in unity. But in those circumstances it just isn’t possible. We had a bunch of ppl dedicated to making sure this ship didn’t go anywhere. But now it’s moving and going some place and we have ppl on board that want to go to the next level and beyond.

Every person has a box which is a vision of what the church is to you. What are the threats against you? What are the things that keep you from seeing how God sees the chruhc? What is your box? Start thinking out of the box. The only time God put himself in a box, he said, “you touch this box and I’ll kill you.”

Go some place beyond the box. Create momentum. When you have the enablers and initiaters turned around then you move out to others. They’ll grow up.

Occupy yourselves with the things that matter and you’ll see change in three years. Three years is the minimum time—it’s a quickening spirit. If we give ourselves to this change then God will attract a quickening spirit. There is a divine acceleration in the world right now. And we need to attract it into our locality. How do we do that? We get a bunch of ppl in harmony moving in the same direction. That bunch of ppl will create a momentum in the spirit that will attract acceleration.

We must redeem time as a matter of absolute urgency. We must get in the program with the holy spirit. We must show ourselves faithful to the course so that the Lord will quicken our growth. Train ppl to run with God. To move with speed and pace. There are ppl in your church right now who are longing to run. Most ppl are probably fed up with where they’re at right now. What is the level of boredom? What is your level of boredom?

I adore the church. I love the church. With all her idiosyncrasies. I have never been so excited in my life. We’ve gone through astonishing transition. We are passionate for each others dreams and we have an obsession with the presence of God and we are in love with the Kingdom so that we tear down everything that is not of the kingdom. We have a sense of responsibility for the region. We have a quickening spirit upon us. God trusts us with the Kingdom.

My goal in coming here…well I know that the stuff so far that I’ve said you are not strangers to…you’re just realizing that you’re not mad. I’m confirming what’s in your hearts already. You’re realizing that this is possible. New testament prophets are mostly of confirmation anyway—confirming what you’re already hearing. The Lord is saying, now is the time. The dream in your heart, it’s time to have it fulfilled. This is possible.

I believe there is a season of divine acceleration available. I believe that your church could make 5 years growth in one year. God will redeem your time. You need to position yourselves to receive it.

So in the next year or two there is a divine acceleration…you have to manage it in the right way…manage it with the holy spirit. We’ve got to get a place where we’re not playing catch-up but we are there and present and the holy spirit needs to fall on us.

I know that there is a level of frustration here and that is your catalyst. That is a season of divine acceleration. To have God do something quick. He needs our cooperation.

The first time I heard of divine acceleration it was by one of my mentors. That guy was actually mentored by Smith Wigglesworth. I asked, so how do I get God to move quickly in my life? He said, well you need to die at a faster rate than you are dying right now. You need to see who God is for you and what God wants to become. Come and present yourselves to God and say I want you to be that for me and I’ll pay any price.

Graham Cooke, Tuesday Afternoon 1

Well, I receive and process teachings better if I write them out while I listen to them, so I am going topost the teachings that I've typed out so far...I hope that they bless and challenge you. Please pardon the typos and such...it's hard to keep up with Graham... So this is what I get to do at work during this season...sweet huh?

Here's the link if you want to hear them:

http://gracefellowship.libsyn.com/index.php?post_category=2005%20GOIAM%20Conference

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Graham Cooke Tuesday Afternoon 1

He’s focused on present-future. Who you are now and who you are going to be in the future. He is not concerned about your past.

30,000 ppl leaving the church each year because ppl are bored silly.

Every relationship on earth can only exist in it’s present form for three to five years and then it has to change. It’s called growing up. If that’s true in the natural then it’s true in the spiritual too. All good relationships are kept by having an upgrade.

We need to understand our people, who God’s given us and what the next stage is that God is taking us through. When Jesus was going to give the message about His core statement about His mission here on Earth…he didn’t do it on the sermon on the mount. He did it in the church. He read Isaiah 61 and He starts talking about setting prisoner’s free… He knew that there were more people bound up in the church than bound up in the world. Religion that bound them to rules but never freed them up.

He is unchanging in His nature but he is changing everything. He loves you for who you are right now but He has a plan for you to change you…a dream for you. We need to understand the next level of the dream. This isn’t it…it’s just a stage along the way. We are building a church along the lines of the dream that God has.

Acts 2:42 So then those who received his word were baptized. They devoted themselves to the teaching, fellowship, breaking of bread, prayer…many wonders and signs…all who believed were together and had all things in common. One mind… adding to their number day by day…

Acts 4:32…the congregation was of one heart and soul…giving testimony to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus…not a needy person among them…

Acts 5:12 many signs and wonders among the people…together as one accord…none of the rest dared to associate with them but they held them with high esteem…multiple ppl added to their number.

This is just the beginning..we are not trying to get back to the book of Acts..that’s just a good beginning. On earth as it is in heaven…how do we get heaven in our midst? How do we attract God? We have to live in the same paradigm that he is living in…we need the same relationships on earth that exist in heaven. Heaven opens and the holy spirit descends in bodily form on the Lord Jesus…this is my beloved son, listen to him…the holy spirit directs us to Jesus and Jesus directs us to the Father.

Jesus says that its better for you if I go away…listen guys, the holy spirit is better than me at this next stage…so Jesus wants to step out of the way and give the holy spirit center stage..what does the holy spirit do? He talks about Jesus and helps establish us in Christ. Honor…releasing one another, loving one another, preferring one another, blessing one another.

Prayer 24/7 won’t bring the presence of God…if you practice the one another’s in the new testament then the presence will come. God works and moves in a relational paradigm…not a functional paradigm. The problem is that the church is in a functional paradigm. You have to go back to a relational paradigm.

We always substitute relationship for function…it’s takes discipline to hang out with God. It’s a different kind of discipline and stamina to wait…a different kind of energy to wait on the Lord. Some of us make the biggest mistakes because we move too soon. It seemed good but then we find out that it actually wasn’t. God is holding out his hand and saying that it’s about fellowship with me first. We are learning…having to learn..to learn how to wait and to walk with one another.

God has a dream for the church and a dream for every single person that you have under your care. God is useless at one thing: when people fulfill His dream about something, He cannot stay away. He is helpless…He sees ppl living in unity and living out a dream, He has to go down there and take a look. Our goal is to make it impossible to get God to stay away.

“What would it take for you to believe that I am unceasingly magnificent?” –God

Whatever it is that you need to do, do it. We have reduced things to methodologies. It’s not about that. It’s about understanding God for who He really, really is. Start knowing what He likes. Start enjoying your sonship. Enjoying the way that God does things, enjoying the way He thinks.

Beloved, you are not going to be happy if you are not living out the dream God has for you. Think about the church that you are in –what’s their dream? and think about what God has for the church. Functional paradigm is only ever concerned about economy. How can we do the most with the least amount of time and the least amt of resources. And most ppl etc.In the book of Acts the church works in a gathered paradigm and a scattered paradigm. What he does Sunday morning is so minimal b/c it’s not life. It’s just a meeting. And meetings have a purpose. If we limit God to Sunday mornings it’s no wonder that we are missing so much of what the holy spirit is wanting to do. When we operate from a functional paradigm we want to do it all on Sunday morning. The church met in homes and occasionally met in Solomon’s portico…they didn’t use it every week. From house to house everyone would come with something that they could contribute.

How many of your people have dreams that have no chance of being fulfilled in your current paradigm? The Pharisees were dream thieves of their day. They originated a system that meant they could manage everyone’s spirituality. Thus taking away the need of the Holy Spirit. That is what Jesus came to set ppl free from. Jesus came to set ppl free and we have cell church. Hmm… The thing is, we don’t’ build relationships with our ppl primarily b/c we are too busy to build a relationship with God ourselves.

The premise with the way that we are ‘doing’ church is at odds with the Kingdom of Heaven. Something has to change. We have to walk off our map. No church can stand to have 52 life changing messages and no one’s life changes. How many sermons have you heard in your life and how many have been transforming for you?

Think of it this way: Prechristian gets gloriously saved…so excited…comes to their first meeting so excited with new bible and pen and notebook, then takes notes, walk it off, then back in church, then bible study on Tuesday…why? b/c that’s what they are encouraged to do. Jesus didn’t say, ‘I come so that you may have meetings and that you may have them more abundantly.” So they come in the first month and attend 12 meetings and what are they doing apart from learning how to take good notes.

They are learning how to listen but not how to hear. They are learning how to despise the word of God when it’s preached… unconsciously. Meanwhile, the world is moving away from the paradigm of truth that we grew up with. The organ of receptivity was the ear. But we are living in the postmodern world and the organ for receptivity is the eye not the ear—show me. People say I have my truth you have your truth. You respect mine I respect your’s. People want to see God do something. I love postmodernism b/c it is taylor-made for brining us back to being a supernatural church. You are a supernatural being. It’s time we acted like it. We have a church that is moving only in hearing so we have our whole idea of ministry which is not biblical b/c it doesn’t produce the body of Christ. Church is like this huge quivering bottom with a mouth on it. How can you teach something and then not bring people into an experience of what you are teaching. The thing is we don’t understand process so we don’t understand that most of our growth comes form process and not the laying on of hands. So we have a culture that works against heaven and not for it. What we’ve done with all our teaching is created an audience and not an army. People come to listen but know that they don’t’ really have to follow through with it b/c there will be another teaching next week.

This is attractive? I don’t think Jesus is coming back for that girl. He’s coming back for something a little more attractive than that. Give him credit for some taste. How can we teach our ppl so much but bring them into so little? We are about preached out. 30,000 ppl leaving the church, a minimum. People are bored rigid. People need to do, to be, to know that they can come and have a dream…a company of people where they can make mistakes and grow into my dream. We have unconscious pharisaical mentality towards our ppl b/c we don’t understand them. We are not taking the time to get into their hearts. Who are you? What are you called to be? What is on your heart to do? How can I help you to be the best you can be? That’s our job. We’re not here to preach each week. We are here to release ppl into a dream.

What’s the Lord saying to you? What do you want to become? How can I help you with that? How can I know that the dream is real and not made up? How can we connect reality with that dream? What is it that you need to do? What needs to emerge within you? What kind of ppl do you need to be with? You can not impose a vision on people. We work from the bottom up not the top down. I’m not here to fulfill someone else’s dream. I have dreams of my own. I want to know who I want to walk with and who has the same vision. Vision of the house grows up from that.

Vision is easy to get. Spend five minutes in the Starbucks. Every church has similar visions. Heart for the lost, heart for the nations. You can write it down in three minutes if you speed write. But how does that vision look in our body? How does the vision come through this bunch of people?

I had a church that wanted me to consult with them about their vision for the church. They gave me the vision for the people and I didn’t have a witness to any of it and I tore it up and asked, ‘Have you spoken to your people about what’s in their hearts?’ God doesn’t give vision to the leaders for the house…He sows it in the hearts of individuals and He says to his leaders, be a good dad and talk to your kids. Find out what I put…God hides the vision like a jigsaw in pieces in people’s hearts. When we start connecting with people we start putting it together. We found in that church that there were 64 people that had a vision for the arts. There were mime artists, singers, escape artists…they are the only church in the UK that has an entertainment license to the streets…guys who are unicyclists…they put on all kinds of shows in the streets…they have four booths: one to get saved, one has prayer, one prophecy, and one if you’re just miserable. It has a question mark on it. They have four huge trucks that fold out and fit 600 ppl. This one guy who beat Houdini’s record…we hoist him 2000ft in the air with chains and he still gets out. It is wild…a bit wacky. But I think the kingdom is whacky. You don’t take the most fortified city in the world by saying nothing. You don’t overcome a malicious enemy by reducing your army. We have to produce a people that want to be a part of the 300 people. You’ve got to utilize your people. There is a spirit of who we have not captured in terms of who God is. Boldness is not going to come at this level… you have to be living your dream. Every one of your people has a dream.

He has a dream about church. And you have a piece of that dream. Why do we have strange ppl in our churches? B/c God is strange. You want to walk with the Lord, you have know the Lord…well you have to know that He is consistent but completely unpredictable. You walk with the Lord but you seldom know where He is going. He won’t do things in a way that appear theological. It seems completely illogical. You cross over the river and the enemy seems bigger than you. You get an idea of what you’ll become when the Holy Spirit helps you overcome. The enemy will say that you can’t take him and tell you what you can and can’t do. But the Holy Spirit will tell you, that’s what we’re going to overcome. The Holy Spirit shows you the impossible just to get you smiling. When we finish, then that territorial spirit will be you. God is the biggest territorial spirit…he marked off all the tribes… your territory has to come to you in your dream. You have a dream and your ppl have a dream. Your great pleasure is releasing their dream.

Our vision can start to be shaped by what is coming out of ppl’s hearts. We can start to make partnerships and our meetings take on a different shape. We start preaching less and teaching more. If our preaching doesn’t release ppl into an experience then our preaching is not doing anyone any good. Then we can get away from our sanctuary driven paradigm. You take a city by training warriors and going house to house and street to street.

We need to fight with one another. Why? So we make sure that we don’t do anything out of mediocrity. Contend with me. Don’t settle for anything less. Contend with one another for the dream. Friends don’t let each other get away with anything.

I had a friend that was discipled by Smith Wigglesworth. He never let me forget it. He would say, I have taught you better than this haven’t I? The only answer was ‘yes sir’. He only let me make the same mistake three times. First time, it’s okay b/c you’re learning. Second time, that’s just stupid. Third time it’s a character issue. But he contended with me b/c he knew the dream that was in my heart.

My prayer for you is that you would get back in touch with your dream. If you’re not living your dream then you may be someone else’s nightmare. What’s your dream? What are you in this for? What has the Lord said to you? How does he want to show up? There is so much more to life out there than we are currently enjoying. God is the happiest person that I know. He has the sunniest disposition. Some of us are out of touch with his innate happiness. If you are going to walk in the spirit of the Lord then you have to get used to belly laughing. Heaven is funny and full of laughter. You will be full of laughter and joy b/c you are full of God and His dream for your life. Live under the smile of God and do the things that make God extraordinarily happy.

During the worst seasons of my life He has come and kissed me. He has held my dream in front of me and says, ‘this is who you are. Don’t forget it.’ The Lord has comforted me. The joy, peace, and love are all permanent emotions. He steps into your pain and you realize just how adored you are by the Father. He takes hold of your dream and he holds it in front of you and says, ‘this is who you are for me and this is who I am for you’ He shows you something about yourself and himself that helps you. What a joy and treasure. He has things for you. And you must live in the pleasure of who he is for you. Then discover in your people what their dreams are. But that is for another discussion. Let’s pray.

Thank you Father b/c no one loves us like you do. …

New Soul

Sittin' in Sweet Eugene's today I heard this song and Michelle so kindly told me the name of it, seein' as how I don't keep up with what's new on the radio.

anyhow, I watched the music video and I can't even explain how much it spoke to me...I feel like I could be singing that song on many levels...maybe going to south korea is soul searching? continuing to walk out my identity in Christ. chasing a dream? maybe it's just something i need to do. transitioning to being an adult? and if i end up not getting to go, well the process alone has been teaching me so much about life, about myself, and about God.

don't put me in a box... i love how she knocks over the walls and sees a whole new world out there...

even the part about feeling joy and fear....trying to learn to give and take...discerning truth and what's fake... I'm so thankful for what God has done in my life thus far...otherwise I'd be totally lost. He has been faithful to provide truth, love and trust...

one day i will let others take my hand as i will have already been there and will have wisdom to offer. by God's grace, i can even to that now to some degree...

i'm not really sure. but, i feel a lot like the girl in the video...only, add God in the mix. At least He'll clean up any mistakes that i make. because I am making mistakes along the way! And, He is a good Shepherd and will lead me.

i really can't accurately articulate this season of my life. i don't think i really understand all that God is doing. so there. listen to the song and maybe you'll like it. maybe you won't. i like it. and i'm thankful that God uses so many different means to communicate to me, otherwise, i might not ever know what's going on in my life! sheesh... He is a good Father...

Psalm 16 has been my life line....and Hebrews 11:8 as well.

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"New Soul" by: Yail Naim

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tYBLjEaDFDE

Here are the lyrics:

I'm a new soul
I came to this strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit bout how to give and take
But since I came here, felt the joy and the fear
Finding myself making every possible mistake

La, la, la, la (21x)
La, la, la, la (21x)

See I'm a young soul in this very strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit bout what is true and fake
But why all this hate? try to communicate
Finding trust and love is not always easy to make

La, la, la, la (21x)
La, la, la, la (21x)

This is a happy end
Cause you don't understand
Everything you have done
Why's everything so wrong

This is a happy end
Come and give me your hand
I'll take you far away

I'm a new soul
I came to this strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit bout how to give and take
But since I came here, felt the joy and the fear
Finding myself making every possible mistake

New soul... (la, la, la, la,...)
In this very strange world...
Every possible mistake
Possible mistake
Every possible mistake
Mistakes, mistakes, mistakes..

Waiting in Transition

written March 15...a little late in posting.

i share this b/c i know so many of you can relate...

...and so goes the job hunting...

My life seems to be a little nebulous right now. No specific plans. I just want to love the Lord, follow Him, and be with people I love. Sure, there are dreams and even goals in between all that, but ultimately, it's about knowing Him and making Him known. So, as anyone has to, I'm still waiting on God, while taking steps in directions I think may have an open door, but mostly, waiting and resting in Him.

During this time, I am finding a power in surrender and a power in rest. A peace that settles over me like never before. I know He has great plans for my life-- even if I can't foresee them.

Here's a little something I wrote a few weeks ago:

// upon this mount I wait
eager for Your arrival
You will not delay
and yet time passes away

You say, "abide in me"
so everyday I try to just be
ever so graceful
one who drinks, so thankful

a hunger deep inside
one which cannot hide
o, how I wait for the end
so I continue to contend

yes, i wait for a mate
but he, You can always take
my hope is in You
for we who are in You are too few

yes, i wait for my dreams
which always seem to bust at the seams
as i delight in You, to start
You give the desires of my heart

yes, i wait for security
while desiring my heart's purity
money only steals a man's soul
true treasures lie in Heaven's bowl

yes, i wait for justice to prevail
my heart cries out in travail
love trumps and mercy speaks
the Lord is for keeps

yes, i wait to be a mom
and with a dog named Tom (not really that name)
children, whom I'll hold with open palms
for they, too, are the Lord's as if alms

yes, i wait to make a difference
not some mundane indifference
He gives purpose to my life
even through all the strife

yes, i wait for all these and more
be so kind as to wash them ashore
Lord, come to me
tell me what you see

it's You I seek
all through my week
it's You whom I love
and I, whom you love//

Friday, April 11, 2008

contentment and ramblings

con·tent·ment /kÉ™nˈtÉ›ntmÉ™nt/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[kuhn-tent-mu
hnt] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun
1. the state of being contented; satisfaction; ease of mind.
2. Archaic. the act of making contentedly satisfied.
[Origin: 1400–50; late ME contentement < MF. See co

Easton's 1897 Bible Dictionary - Cite This Source - Share This

Contentment

a state of mind in which one's desires are confined to his lot whatever it may be (1 Tim. 6:6; 2 Cor. 9:8). It is opposed to envy (James 3:16), avarice (Heb. 13:5), ambition (Prov. 13:10), anxiety (Matt. 6:25, 34), and repining (1 Cor. 10:10). It arises from the inward disposition, and is the offspring of humility, and of an intelligent consideration of the rectitude and benignity of divine providence (Ps. 96:1, 2; 145), the greatness of the divine promises (2 Pet. 1:4), and our own unworthiness (Gen. 32:10); as well as from the view the gospel opens up to us of rest and peace hereafter (Rom. 5:2).

Main Entry: contentment
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: happiness
Synonyms: comfort, complacency, content, contentedness, ease, equanimity, fulfillment, gladness, gratification, peace, pleasure, repletion, satisfaction, serenity
Antonyms: discomfort, discontentment, displeasure, dissatisfaction, misery, sadness, unhappiness

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Okay, so i really don't like definitions that use the original word or the root word in the definition; however, there are some parts of these definitions that are helpful.

Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about contentment lately. It seems that contentment is a good place to start, being that I'm a single woman in a house with three engaged people and having two previous roommates already married. It's okay, don't pity me. Singleness really can be and is a blessing! And, I'm super excited for these engaged women!

I realized that in this next year, going to South Korea, I'll be missing six weddings, four of which are really, really close friends! That has been enough to keep me here, actually. They're like sisters, truly. But, in the end, I am feeling as though this is an open door to walk through. I've got a lot of peace about it. This is not the point though...rabbit trail.

Back to contentment... this is something that I've been trying to "master" over the last few years. Yah, "master." Whatever that means. I think that being content is something that we, as humans, will have to remind ourselves of all throughout life. If you're single, you'll long for a relationship. If you're in a relationship you'll long for marriage. If you're married you'll long for children or to be single again. If you have kids you'll long for your independence again. If you're out of work you desire a job. If you have a job you wish you were retired. If you're old you want to be young. If you're young you want to be older. It's a lifelong struggle of being content with what God's given you and the season of life that you're in.

There is the paradox that you are to be content and yet long for more and contend for more of God. But that doesn't include complaining all the time. The Isrealites did that and we see where it got them... God let all their grumblings come to pass and not a single one of them saw the promise land. So there. Negative thoughts and words get you no where. So just dismiss the idea that complaining will help.

Contentment...God knows where He has you and He is constantly forming you and shaping you. The experiences that He is giving you are equipping you and preparing you...they're changing you and showing you more and more about who He is and how much He loves you.

I think that a lot of times our situations get very tainted by our attitudes and poor perspectives. We tend to assume the worst, play the victim, and envy others. Well, the grass is not always greener on the other side...we all have junk and that's life. God is working on each one of us. In the end, you'll always end up running into yourself again no matter how many different things you run to. God's showing you who you are and growing you into who you are in Christ.

We tend to make ashes as we are sinful beings. He makes beauty from ashes. Sometimes the goodness of God gets tainted because we blame God for the consequences of our choices or others choices. Unfortunately, sometimes we get slammed with the effects of others' mistakes. And sometimes, well, as Graham says, "In His wisdom He allows what He could prevent with His power." This kind of has to do with contentment...I guess it does because if you can't see God's goodness then you'll have no hopes of being content.

God has the best in mind for you. Some times we have a hard time believing that. He often time protects us from things that we thought we wanted but in the end, it would have not been so great for us. Other times He just makes us wait a really long time. He is a good Father. Mostly, we need to change the way that we see Him and that will change the way we see our lives. Our experiences with God will change our lives and how we live day to day.

Delight first in the Lord and then He'll give you the desires of your heart. Seek the Kingdom first. As you do that He aligns your heart with His and your desires become the same as His. It's the most amazing and beautiful transformation!

Well, this is a more scattered writing than usual. But, contentment is something that I feel is a big issue in our culture...heck, the human race. We are complainers and have been since day one. It's time we renew our minds and realize that God has given us everything we need for life. Those in Christ have the holy spirit and life is more fulfilling than ever when you acknowledge Him daily and walk with Him!

It's not a quick fix, but it is a relationship and an intimate one at that!

When I say to be content, I'm not saying to shut off your desires and settle. God's made us people of desire! But, I am saying to quit complaining. There is a difference between complaining and contending. It is a heart issue.

Whatever, I think that's all I have to say for now. Maybe it's helpful for someone. I just know that I am embracing the season of life that God has me in and I am excited about life! God has to be my filling! He has to be my hunger and my all... otherwise, I'm pursuing dead ends. Knowing Him and making Him known... that is what I live for. In the case of singleness, if God so desires to give me a companion, that'd be great (i mean, amazing) too. It was His idea after all to create Eve for Adam. Haha...but waiting is good too! He's teaching me contentment! So single ladies, (and men), be excited about this season of life and let God use you! There is always a full life to be had when in Christ!

How He Loves Us

"How He Loves Us"
by: John Mark McMillan

Verse 1:
He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

Pre-Chorus:
And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us so

Chorus 1:
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

Verse 2:
We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
And the heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

Chorus 2:
He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

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really, i think we all need to hear this--daily. maybe some days more than others. but oh how i need to know this deeply and not forget it--ever.... the lyrics of this song really penetrate and speak boldly the love of God and how intimate and vulnerable He is with us.. He is jealous for me! His love does come down like a sloppy wet kiss...
oh how He loves us! Oh how He loves you! oh how He loves me!




i like this version of the song:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=xWnvBM40xxw

Sunday, March 02, 2008

More than Aesthetic Purposes

I pulled up in the drive, put the car in park, and then realized what I was doing. Am I really going to get my nose pierced? The thought of that needle going through my nose... ugh..can't handle it. No. I will. After two years of toiling and going back and forth....should I get it or not?... I am doing it. Now is the window of opportunity. I held my breath and got out of the car.

I walked in, knowing that it was Happy Hour: any piercing for $20. Great, so they can stab you anywhere for a mild fee of only twenty bucks. Sounds great. Pick me! At least if I'm going to submit myself to some kind of pain I should do it when it's on sale. haha... Anything to do with needles usually acts as repellent and keeps me away. However, this time, I was purposefully subjecting myself to this act.

I've wanted it done for two years, but the first time I went in to have it done I got as far as signing the papers and then bailed. One, I felt like God was saying 'no.' Two, I had some fear of the needle...and three, I really didn't think it would work out being that I had to do observations at schools in the Fall. So I left.

Two years later, and I still want that little jewel in my nose. To me, it's more than just the trend. It's more that just aesthetic purposes, though I do enjoy the sparkle on my nose. As my friend Katie Brown put it, "It displays a part of my personality that is very important. I am a girl that wears pearls like Audrey Hepburn, but I am also somewhat of a hippie and that nose ring shows the free spirit/gypsy in me." (or something like that). When she said that one time, I thought, that's exactly how I feel!

Having it done, obviously, I had to face my fear of needles. Really, the only fear I want to have is that of a reverent fear of God. But, I'm human. So, I just face my fears I suppose, and ask God to come through. Thankfully, it did not hurt nearly as bad as I had imagined. In fact, I just kept my eyes closed and held my breath...there was a little prick, push, and then it was over. My right eye watered and the rest is history.

Since that day, the Lord has been speaking to me through it a lot. I am very visual and the Lord, often times, uses things on me or around me to remind me of simple but profound truths.

As I went throughout the week, the Lord began to reveal to me that this jewel had more than aesthetic purposes, for it was an outward expression of walking out my freedom in Christ rather than walking in the judgments of others.

Since the summer, He's been taking me through a season of growing in confidence in Him and finding my identity in Him alone. It's a beautiful and refining process, though it's very hard at times. This piercing is one more step in that direction. It reminds me of Hebrews 13:6 "So we may boldly say, 'The Lord is my helper. I will not fear, for what can man do to me?'"

Since I was a child, the judgments of others have always weighed very heavy on me, and honestly, have imprisoned me. The Lord is teaching me how to be free from that, and to see myself how He sees me. Sure, I'm not perfect, and there are times when the words of others are very important, but they should not completely dictate who I am. It is also a matter of pleasing the Lord and not man. When victim and subjected to every word or judgment of another man, it leaves little room to walk freely in the footsteps of Christ.

I know that having a nose ring, some people may judge me, especially in the field of education, but that is what I'm being set free from. I know teachers who have a nose ring and just put in a retainer during the day. I suppose if I end up in the school system, that's what I'll have to do.

I'm still learning how to walk out my freedom...as for piercings, I think I'll stop here. Maybe God can just give me a toe ring next time or something not involving a needle! haha

If I ever want to accomplish all that the Lord has for me, I must be set free! And if I am in the Son, then I am free indeed!

Monday, January 21, 2008

"Refrain of Hope"


...so here's a song i wrote today...maybe i'll get it recorded soon. i actually have music to this one...it's my first!

Okay, so let me explain this picture b/c i know it's kind of weird. Basically, after seeing "Across the Universe" I was inspired by the big strawberry. I wanted to depict the sweetness of life along with the deep melody of sorrow that we all hear in life. The strawberry weeps...images of life surround and really, it's just a simple and nostalgic scene. (some of the images i got from one of jolie holland's music videos). also, i put these pictures on here b/c they go along with the lyrics to the song that i wrote.

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"Refrain of Hope"

there was a girl
she was so sad
poured coffee in the morning
tea in the afternoon
whiskey by the evening

there was a man
he was so sad
so he sang a song
heartbroken and alone
he sang his tears away

there was a child
she was so sad
grew up in a home
so violent and cold
bound for the streets was she

there was a world
it was so sad
filled with weeping
so it sang of mourning
and hope was its refrain

so it sang of mourning
and hope was its refrain

Saturday, January 12, 2008

God is the Mechanic


Okay, so this is a much overdue testimony...

In about February of 2006 the cd player in my car went out...you can read the post from this experience:

http://dewheat.blogspot.com/2006/04/broken-cd-player.html

Okay, if you want proof and for the story to be cool, then you kind of have to read that post. So don't read on unless you've read the blog post.

During the first weeks of silence I debated whether to replace the cd player or not, but I simply did not have the money. I looked at Best Buy and was so close to buying one but felt that I was not supposed to. I asked about fixing broken cd players. The guy said that it'd be better to buy a new one or just try cleaning the old one, but he also said that usually once the manufacturer's cd player craps out there's no hope. I pouted then kept the silence.

That Spring of 2006 the Lord was delivering me from depression and taking me into a greater depth of joy with Him. (I even had Sarah Brown living at my house, and anyone who knows her knows that she carries the joy of the Lord and it just exudes from her!). I had been listening to a lot of music that was not uplifting to my spirit and a part of me felt that the Lord took it away as punishment. I soon found that it was more of a blessing and not a punishment--He was using this time while showing me to be careful of what I feed myself.

Since that semester I have had a freedom from depression that I can only contribute to my Father. He is a good Dad and has brought great healing and freedom in my life. He has been allowing me to go deeper in my walk and understand more of how to connect with His Holy Spirit. These times in my car of silence have been some pivotal times to say the least. I have needed these hours and hours of silence to tune my ear in to God and not some radio station or cd.

Well, this last semester in the midst of my student teaching, I began desiring my music. I am a worshiper and love to worship through music. Naturally, I desire to listen to worship in the morning before I walk in the door with 19 students. A time to prepare and let the Lord minister to me.

One morning in October (I believe--I'd have to check my journal), I woke and Nicole also had an early morning that day. We were listening to some Enter the Worship Circle and I just kind of made a comment such as, "Man, I wish I could listen to this in my car before work!"
Nicole, with a confused look, said, "You can."

"No I can't," I replied almost defensively.

Again, confused and more determined, "Yes you can. Why can't you?"

"My cd player doesn't work..."

Even more confused, "What are you talking about? I listened to cds all summer while I used your car when you were in Dominican."

"What?!!!"

"Yah, I promise, it works!"

"It can't work, I just tried it the other day. I try it every now and then just for kicks and it never works. That's even why I don't like taking my car on road trips. No music. God have you been holdin' out on me?! haha"

"You should go out and try it," Nicole prompted, as she handed me a cd.

"Man, if this works then I'm going to yell and I don't care who's sleeping at this hour!"

I walked out to my car, asking God to please restore my cd player. I prayed over my car and even promised only to play worship music from now on. seriously.

I put the keys in the ignition and popped in the Enter the Worship Circle cd...sure enough, music came sounding out of the speakers and a loud yell came from my mouth! No joke, I was floored! God is the true mechanic.

God took me through that season. It was most certainly a season He planned and created. Nicole, not knowing my cd player was broken, listened contently to her cds for an entire month...all the while, it remained broken for me. God, you are funny.

We must ebb and flow with the Spirit and let Jesus work on us however He wishes. You never know what crazy things He's going to do to bring you into a deeper walk with Him. He might just take away your cd player...haha...more than likely, it'll be something you least expect. Go with it and let Him give you deeper revelation of Himself.

I wouldn't say that my season of silence is over--in fact, we can even choose that season sometimes. It's in the silence that I hear His voice the clearest.

Lord, teach me to listen better...give me ears to hear and a heart to understand...eyes to see and a mind to believe. Selah!

Shadowfax...it's a good car to me...and the Lord is even greater!

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

A Poet's Hand, Rambling


Rambling tonight...

"You are my daughters. I love you. You have asked great things," said the Lord. I heard this after an amazing prayer time with my friend Christina.

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I long for you at night
as the caged bird longs to fly.
There's a freedom between us that ignites
and the moon sings just for us.
We'll soar through this night.

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There's a mingling in my heart
Love speaks loudly
Truth concurs with love and reconciles wounds to itself
War rages on but peace marches in
Scars become nothing more than testimonies
Ointment smooths itself over the wounds
Soothing to my heart
Lathered up in truth and love
Only His touch heals
His hand alone restores
My heart rests soundly with Him

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There's something so beautiful about the tree lines in a winter sky. There's almost a gray glaze or fog that settles ever so peacefully. Crisp air and the sharpness of cold winds invigorate... Melancholy pushes through with each outline of barren trees silhouetted by the dimmed lighting. Open field bordered by a trim of restful trees.

Seasons. I long for seasons. In Texas we do not have the joy of experiencing the changing seasons. Being up North has been refreshing to say the least.

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In time, Your desires and dreams become mine.

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Your words must be gentle, your touch with pursuit. Behind this face lies a tender heart accustomed to pain. Strong I've become, broken I am. Put together once again by Christ and rendered anew. Let your words be like honey--a taste so sweet. Let your love be like milk--nourishing and pure. I am a lover, no doubt, desiring to love and be loved.

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I wrote this awhile ago, about no one in particular--but rather a longing that most all of us can identify with--a longing to love and find the one for us. We all experience these feelings--in the end, the Lord must be our rock and number one lover. When the Lord graces us with a companion, we must realize that we've been given a great gift to cherish and love deeply. That I do long for. Until then, I wait.


What am I to you,
just a face in the crowd?
Shifting eyes and retracted speech,
am I eyes you desire to meet?

My mind ponders your movements,
longing to know the depth beyond.
My heart awaits the day--
the day to love recklessly,
abandoned and free.
Why must time pass with no speed?

Patience has forsaken me.
Indeed, my soul cries to love.
A daily surrender, these feelings.
Grace to a longing heart, my Lord.

Why your thoughtful ways?
Why your strength and confidence?
Why your handsome smile and sincere eyes?
Why adventure at your feet?
And wisdom beyond measure?
O, why?

Lord, he is your's, all your's.
Handcrafted and sculpted...
He is your's.
O Lord, will you share him with me?
Open palms is how we must hold the ones we love.

Be the strength of my heart, Lord.
Still my heart.
Keep my heart at bay.

Be the match-maker, Lord.
Weave my story;
you are the author.
Guard my heart.
Protect me.
Orchestrate everything,
so beautifully as you do.

I surrender.
He is your's.
I am your's.

O, and you are mine!

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Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Helping and Healing Business


The Lord gave me an analogy today as I talked with a dear friend.

Maybe it’s a stereotype that guys like to fix things, but I know that I, too, have a tendency to fix things or at least try to. One of my deepest desires and passions is to see people walk in freedom and receive healing. Naturally, this can tend towards a fix-it mentality. Being American we want to microwave things but God is into marinating them. I am guilty of this and the Lord has been slowly helping me learn how to walk with people through their troubles and not slap down a label or cure. Coming along side people, holding their hand, carrying them briefly, encouraging them, and simply being next to them. Clearly, I’ve not mastered this but I am working towards this idea of playing the role in simply helping the Father.

I realized that my role is not to fix someone. Simply, my role is to help the Father in His process of “fixing” someone. The vision I had entailed that of a little boy helping his father fix the car.

The boy has no idea how to maintain a car, fix a car, what parts to replace or repair…only the father does. But, the father can teach and use his children to accomplish a certain task. Does he necessarily need to? No. However, he wants to!

“Son, pass the wrench.” “Okay dad!”

Now, this help can look many different ways. For instance, the son has no idea what a wrench is. “No son, it’s that one over there.” “This one?” “No.” “This one?” “Yah, thank you.” The point here, we are the children helping and sometimes we make mistakes or we just don’t quite know how to help and provide what someone needs. The beauty is that it’s a learning process for both the one needing healing and the one trying to help.

Or I think of a little girl helping her mom cook. She doesn’t know how to cook but she can go get a measuring cup and pour a cup of flour. She begins to pour, tipping the bag and suddenly there’s a white floor and an overflowing cup of flour. “Oops! Sorry mommy.”

Sometimes we deliver wrong messages at the right time or right messages at the wrong time. Sometimes we just get the wrong tool to help. Other times we spill things. It’s a messy process all in all—this whole helping and healing business.

We are human. We are God’s children and we make mistakes. We are all learning.

As the helper we must never assume the role of the fixer. We are getting the wrench for the Father or taking something he gives us and delivering it. A word of encouragement. A revelation. A great insight. A thoughtful prayer. Practical help with a physical need. A listening ear.

So, the helper must have grace in that the one who’s needing healing may be slow to come around. The one needing healing must have grace in the fact that we are all learning and we don’t always know how to help.

We must practice our ability to listen and hear the Lord. He knows how we can and should help. He knows how to heal us. He knows how to best use us. He’s teaching us just as a Father teaches his son/daughter.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

A Granny's Word


i often muse over the memories spent with my granny-- what she taught me, still teaches me, how the Father used her to help form me, still helps form me. the simplicities of life to cherish... her wisdom forever shapes me and speaks into my life. i hold her dear to my heart today just as i did years ago as a child learning the ways of the ocean. she is a teacher and my granny.

for years, she has written an article each week in the Victoria Advocate, relating her relationship with God to that of her experiences with the ocean. after visiting for Thanksgiving, she emailed me a rough version of what was to be published the following weekend.

here is the link to the article in the paper:

http://www.victoriaadvocate.com/841/story/162197.html

here's the article just in case the link doesn't work:

"Teaching grandchildren is harder now" by: Elaine Wheat

December 01, 2007
“Remember the days of old; consider the years of many generations.”

Deuteronomy 32:7

Today I enjoyed remembering the days of old, considering the years of many generations.

My oldest grandgirl, Dyanne, came to visit me. And, after catching up with each other’s lives, and looking forward to great things to come for her, like graduation from A&M with a teaching degree, and me being able to brag on another Ms. Wheat teacher, we wanted to look backward to the way we were.

I got out a bunch of old VCR tapes to refresh our memories and, after watching several, Dyanne asked me, “Granny, don’t we have any tapes where we are not in or at the water? I would like to see one of me where I’m not wearing one of your old tie-died, wet shirts, a used fishing cap or visor, and not have wet, stringy hair.”

I assured her that I had only gotten out the best ones for our viewing of the way we really were, and, truly, I had not realized that in my way of thinking that naturally included water being swam in or fished in.

After the full viewing, we voted that our favorite one was when Dyanne was about 7 and Marilyn Elaine was about 4 years old and not yet married to an Air Force jet mechanic and living near London. Who would have ever guessed that those two precious pre-people running around on the beach would grow up and actually be adults?

I want to share something with you: Being Granny back then was a lot easier than being Granny now. When “remembering the days of old” our roles were well-defined. Granny taught them important things like how to cast, where they could swim and not to run on the little wooden crabbing bridge. It was their role to do the things they were taught. Well, most of the time anyway. Marilyn didn’t actually run on the bridge but she did do this crazy looking skippy-hoppity-waddling thing instead of running.

The only thing hard about those days of old was for me to remember to trust them and not constantly say granny type things like, “Be careful, don’t run, and keep your mouth shut when you are throwing bread balls up in the air because a beautiful seagull might poop in it.”

I taught, they learned and we all trusted each other to do our things.

Now they are adults, and I am not good at being an adult’s granny. I still know a few things that they need to know, but I have a hard time just letting them learn those things instead of me teaching them. I guess I have to learn from them that it is now time for me to learn to keep my mouth shut or something unpleasant may happen to me.

Dear Lord, please help my generation to pray that You keep Your arm around our shoulders and Your hand over our mouths. How can our kids or grandkids learn faith if all they have to do is teach us to mind ourselves?

Safe Harbors


Thinking back on the days leading to my surrender, I found myself singing my own requiem… walking down, a slow death. Those days seemed to grow dimmer and dimmer—any light proved bright. So far gone, only a greater power could rescue me.

Lackadaisical, her feet dangling in a quaint stream hidden in the shelter of the woods, she silently mourns. Aloneness surrounds her and yet a gentle breeze seems to speak to her as if to say, “I am here with you.” Tears hit the water, mixing unnoticeably—moreover she blends with the inattentive crowd buzzing away with shallow talk of the day. As if a stone feeling the water rush around without a second glance, so people pass her by. She wastes away slowly, only no one knows, for it happens over time with increments too small to note. Similar to that of a child you live with and then one day you realize he’s grown to your size. The monster inside becomes too much to hide any longer.

She awakens one morning to the sound of a hopeful bird, a song so sweet she felt herself beckoned to another world—one filled with no pain, no tears. Could there be such a place or only one hoped for but never created? No such place, she thinks. How could there be in all honesty? Yet the hunger grew with intensity.

Searching with no direction. Thus the course of a year she was a ship steering the course of the sea with no destination in mind save a safe harbor.

As a friend once said, “I didn’t fall in love but I found Love itself. I didn’t find my way but I had it shown to me.” A tiny seed of hope grew and the light beckoned me. He guided the ship with a light. He is my compass.

He drew me into safe harbors. Refuge at last. An anchor for my soul. No longer a tortured soul...peace at last.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

The Lord Hides, But I Will Wait and Trust


stillness of the night quiet sounds all around me endless thoughts run free

There are so many things that I want to do with my life, and yet there always seems to be the same hindrances that rise up and block the dreams. I am naturally a dreamer, an idealist, a visionary...but it seems that time always bucks up and pushes the grand thought aside. "Move on over, partner. Time's a'comin' on through." Either that or fear. Fear paralyzes most men--to some degree, anyhow.

As of late, I find myself growing in the area of confidence and believing my Father for great things. He has equipped me and will do wondrous things through me because I live from His presence and favor. Outside of him, well, I'm pretty much useless.

This idea of confidence in the Lord has grown unknowingly. The Lord prophesied in July that I would journey through a season of learning to walk in confidence and not fear man. He told me that I was equipped and assured me that I would accomplish great things with my life. Not to mention, He said I'd be a "protocol breaker." That's a significant statement and call on my life. Something I had to realize is that protocol is just a way of doing something. I won't be rebellious, but I'll just break the traditional mold--the hum drum way of doing things. In order to do that I must walk in His confidence and favor.

This season continues to be drawn out as the Lord carefully and even meticulously uproots insecurities, fears, lies, and wounds. The mending of such brokenness takes time and great care. He is patient--no, he is patience, the very essence of patience.

I am grateful to know that he loves me enough to walk me through the junk and even challenge me to change and become a better person; to become more Christ-like. The process can sometimes be messy but the other end of things is always so much more beautiful. Take a diamond for instance. A diamond in the rough...the process of cleaning and polishing...then the result of a rare and priceless jewel.

We are to co-labor with the Lord. He has given us great desires and dreams. It's not like Buddhism where you take away all desires. That is a cheap and goes against a passionate God's heart for us. As we surrender our hearts and desires to him, he fills us with his desires. Our desires line up with his and by his grace and power we can co-labor with Him.

Time is not an issue for the Lord. Therefore, time does not have to be an issue for me. It's that simple. What could take years, the Lord can do in minutes. I've seen it happen in my own personal life. But then again, the Lord is patient and does not view time in the way we do, so sometimes it seems that something may take forever to come about. Keep in mind that no barren woman in the Bible stayed barren except David's wife because she did not like his dancing before the Lord. That speaks well of the Lord's promises to us!

The only fear we should have is a healthy fear of God. Perfect love casts out all fear. With help from the holy spirit, I can be fearless.

Taking these roadblocks out, I find myself once again dreaming with God and desiring to co-labor with the Lord.

Direction...now if only I could understand which way to go...this involves listening, trusting, waiting, and obeying. I suppose through all of these things, I am learning greater revelation of who God is and who I am in Christ. No, I don't suppose. I know so. I am learning to be a sheep that knows my master's voice. The art of listening.

My thoughts are a little scattered tonight, but all the same, coherent.

In the end, I just want to know my maker intimately, be known by him, trust and obey. My big hope is in the King and his Kingdom. Anything else is only subservient.

Isaiah 17:8 "I will wait for the Lord, who is hiding his face from the house of Jacob. I will put my trust in him."

2 Thessalonians 3:5 "May the Lord direct your hearts into God's lvoe and Christ's perseverance."

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Change Begins With the Roots


A friend asked for this drawing and I felt led to send it along to others...over the years, another dear friend has taught me the beauty in sharing. may the Lord use this to minister to you.

Several days ago the Lord had given me this vision of a tree coming up through a heart...previously I had seen a shirt that had a picture of a tree that said, "Change begins with the roots"...while watching the Gospel of John I felt inspired to start putting the image on paper...different verses came to mind and I felt that they went along with the image. At first I was going to do a tree that was half in the desert and half in the streams, but that just didn't seem right, for we have complete Life in Him--not just partial. The colors came together and a renewed tree and heart presented itself...

The Lord has taken me through so much healing and He continues to. It is a process...through all of it we are renewed with a new heart and mind. Keep asking Him for healing and renewal. He never holds back healing from those who ask and seek it. some of the verses that i put on here have been speaking to me since the very first day that i received the Lord...and others just came...

lies and wounds are like weeds that need to be dug up. dealing with your heart is like dealing with a garden...it must be maintained and fertilized or else it will become overgrown with weeds. in order to dig up a weed and insure that it does not grow back, you must attack it from the root. likewise, to become free from a wound or lie, we must dig it up from the root. once the weed is dug up, we must nurture and fertilize the soil and the plants remaining. we must replant if necessary. the same is true with our hearts (and minds). when a wound and lie is uprooted, we must replant...replace it with the truth and love of the Lord. the holy spirit helps us in this process. our minds must be renewed in the process in order to keep the healing and keep our hearts protected from future arrows and wounds.

The scars are our testimony. Revelation 12:11 "They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death."

the verses in the picture to meditate on are as follows:
John 15:5-8
parts of Isaiah 61
Jeremiah 17:8-9
Proverbs 4:23
Isaiah 43:18
Psalm 126:5-6
John 4:13-14
John 7:37-39

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Barefoot Worship

This past weekend I spent a good amount of my time in worship. While at a wedding which most certainly could have been only business mixed with stress, I found it to be otherwise-- everything seemed to be some form of praise and worship to the Lord. Kara and David's wedding proved absolutely beautiful and God glorifying.

Saturday morning was spent frolicking in the grass, relaxing in a hammock, and sitting on the back porch with some of Kara's family and others. While Yancy, Kara's dad, grilled 130 lbs. of chicken for the reception, we remained in great conversation and eventually in song. Our feet dangled from the table, and a freeness, an abandonment that only Christ can bring settled over me.

Recently, there has been a new song released that is quite powerful. Yancy introduced this to us with his most resonating, strong voice. A-ccapella, we rejoiced in song with the East Texas breeze sweeping across the land, blue skies, scenes of wedding tents and chairs, a green pond, and above all the presence of other lovers of the Lord. Nothing to keep beat but our own soul and the rhythmic clapping...we lifted up the Lord that morning in high spirits.

In the midst of a day that many would deem as stressful, we found utmost peace and joy. Many feet shuffled the floor. Barefoot in the grass. Everything came together beautifully and the Body, a most intimate convening.

A powerful song which touched my heart...download for free:

http://antiochcc.ccbchurch.com/app/w_page.php?id=65&type=section

[Right click on "Jesus is the Lord" audio and click "save link as"]

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Whispers of Yellow


"The heart breaks and breaks and lives by breaking. It is necessary to go through dark and deeper dark and not to turn." --from "The Testing-Tree," by Stanley Kunitz

Inspired this night, may my words bring comfort to those who have experienced great loss such as I have; better yet, may the Comforter whisper to you.


// Driving ‘neath September’s moon
Passing city lights and then suddenly slowing
Almost to a stop
Inching along, stillness exudes
Days of nonstop movement, now halted
Months worth of emotion hardened around my heart
Stop…Go…Stop…Go

Sirens, lights ahead pleading, no, forcing me to stop
Fifteen minutes to travel one mile
My plans interrupted

Warm honey trickled over me, seeping into the stone
Melted like butter, romanced by a lover
My Comforter came to me
Tears welled up in my eyes, too big to hold
Soon a flood gate opened
Streams of living water ran down, down
My body went limp, my heart malleable

Weeping Willow

Ten years since her death and today…
Today, ten years since her burial
Yellow roses, her favorite
Songs of sorrow echo

A new place in life, transition—O what I’d do to have her comfort for one more day, one more minute
She sings to me in my sleep at times
I can still hear her voice
Tender
Compassionate
Rings in my ears like church bells
Soothes like a songbird
Her sweet smell
Soft touch

Comforter, come to me
And O how He does

The pain wraps around me like a vine
Darkens, keeping me from the sun

Deep rooted, I am—I LIVE
He trims away the vines
Just another face in a sea of faces
He comes to me
Sitting in the car, He meets with me
He knows me
And I know Him

Beyond my plans, He weaves
Finding the time for me
He cares enough to interrupt my plans

He knows my every scar
Every tear

“Come to me, my child”
Just as she did,
He holds me
And sings to me:

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
“You make me happy, when skies are gray
“You’ll never know dear, how much I love you
“O please don’t take my sunshine away”

I pass the sirens and flashing lights
Traffic picks up speed
Life continues
His peace remains
My heart renewed

He found time for me

Rays of sunshine
No vines
Yellow roses begin to grow //


"Beauty is God's handwriting." --Charles Kingsley

Saturday, September 01, 2007

golden gift














hints of Life abound
bee in golden gift forming
mountainous honey

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Common Depth

I suppose that simplicity speaks most profoundly to my heart. Perhaps the complexity of things loses me in some capacity, nonetheless I am impressed. However, something about the beauty of simplicty draws near to my soul--especially when a deeper meaning surfaces.

Passing through a thrift store in Michigan I picked up this old 1963 Enlgand in Literature textbook. I find myself appreciating the lyrics of Wordsworth as he "creates beauty from simple and commonplace things." As the text describes, he was "a thrifty, retentive, and vigorously active mind, firmly anchored in the actual and familiar."

One poem really struck me with delight:

382. To the Skylark
William Wordsworth (1770–1850)


ETHEREAL minstrel! pilgrim of the sky!
Dost thou despise the earth where cares abound?
Or while the wings aspire, are heart and eye
Both with thy nest upon the dewy ground?
Thy nest which thou canst drop into at will, 5
Those quivering wings composed, that music still!
To the last point of vision, and beyond
Mount, daring warbler!—that love-prompted strain
—’Twixt thee and thine a never-failing bond—
Thrills not the less the bosom of the plain: 10
Yet might’st thou seem, proud privilege! to sing
All independent of the leafy Spring.
Leave to the nightingale her shady wood;
A privacy of glorious light is thine,
Whence thou dost pour upon the world a flood 15
Of harmony, with instinct more divine;
Type of the wise, who soar, but never roam—
True to the kindred points of Heaven and Home.


What's profound about his poetry appears that the simple soon transforms into great substance of reflection and enlightenment.

Monday, July 09, 2007

Skylines


Driving down the winding roads among the mountains into a landscape much simpler made of wide open spaces and perfect skylines, I realized my utter contentment with the moment--wherever I am, there I am. Here I am. Embracing the season and surroundings, yet not settling. Going deeper while remaining absolutely content with the cup being poured for me. No need for extra sugar and cream to be satisfied. The Lord knows my depth, He knows my lot.

We may spend a lifetime discovering the secrets of contentment, but the truth lies in the very moment. A thankful heart, always. A balance of living surely in the now and yet longing for more depth and intimacy--remaining hungry.

So once again a paradox remains: be completely satisfied and yet continue to hunger for more.