Korea's Intimacy

She leaned into me with no shame, forbearance, or consideration. Merely, an understood grace and affection extended from both parties surrounding the situation could apply. After being squeezed into the subway train like toothpaste being thrust out of a tube, expecting personal space did not even come as a passing thought.

The vibrations of her voice meshed into my back and seemed to tickle my spine, penetrating to even my chest cavity--an intimacy felt that only should come with my lover. I suppose, that intimacy with an unknown Korean woman on the subway for half an hour lent me a greater appreciation for the wide open spaces of Texas. And yet, a fondness of such intimacy among a culture invaded me with sweetness as I encountered her every breath. Humanity. Life.

Only a smile could rest on my face, knowing that she contained a story—one kept inside her heart. The language barrier kept me silenced, but I wondered about her life.

She carried on in conversation, all the while leaning into me. As we parted ways, I felt the affection and pressure from her body lift. The impression she left was more than that of momentary warmth, but I sensed that as she had leaned into me with intimacy, so had Korea herself. The mark of this land has begun to write a love on my heart. As she presses in, I lean too, allowing the beauty of a land to touch me, penetrating even to my heart.

--------------------------

The city became hushed tonight. White powder fell from the sky and blanketed the land. Treading ground where so many pass, somehow I had the privilege of being the first to step foot on the white laden path. I felt honored, and yet, as if I was violating something precious—a freshly, untouched powdered sidewalk. I stepped lightly, making my way down the path. Peace. Serenity. Now all I needed was a sky full of stars.

I’ve dreamed of living where it snows. Now I know. And, it is all I thought it would be. I couldn’t help but wonder what it’d be like to be away from the city. Thankful for the white carpet which absorbed the noise of the city, I ventured off to enjoy the night with my Creator. His beauty invaded late into the night as He gently sprinkled snow over Korea.

Serious Art

A great book: Dreaming With God
by: Bill Johnson

http://books.google.co.kr/books?id=BhkntN4T-sQC&dq=dreaming+with+god+bill+johnson&printsec=frontcover&source=bl&ots=Kr-SE3PlFN&sig=5NsjLdeBsvTvofq7HANqAuMN8KQ&hl=ko&sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=3&ct=result#PPA46,M1

--------------------------

Thanks, Swink, for sharing this article! As Swink said, this is really long-- but well worth it.


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Christians & Serious Art

by R. Wesley Hurd

It should not surprise us that people make and enjoy art of all kinds. After all, our Creator built artful souls and sensibilities into the creatures He made in His image, and, therefore, understanding and liking art in some form is normal for us all. For most people, however, art is limited to decorating their homes and gardens, enjoying music or a good read, or occasionally taking in a serious movie. These common human experiences do not typically lead us to consider ourselves dedicated patrons of the arts; rather, we see our experience and enjoyment of this art as a normal opportunity for personal enrichment or entertainment.

Another kind of involvement in the arts, however, takes us into the world of serious art—art made to portray or explore our biggest ideas, concerns, questions, and visions. Although cultivating a beautiful rose garden can be an amazing work of art for me, my family, and my neighborhood, that artful expression differs from making a painting, a film, a play script, or a piece of music that explores dimensions of human identity and meaning.

Serious art ("fine" or "high" art) is created for the purpose of putting profound ideas, thoughts, and feelings into intelligent and striking forms. It is created to make philosophical statements about the meaning and condition of being human. Even though works of serious art may be playful, comedic, or satirical—that is, creatively produced to explore big questions in humorous or even slapstick ways—yet the creator's motivation remains serious; he or she uses the peculiar power of art to say something vital and important to others. Serious art, then, is message laden.

Challenges for artists

Serious art is about ideas, but it is equally about the quality and integrity of its making. Fine art is finely crafted. Artists who wish to make fine art cannot avoid committing themselves to developing and maturing their craft, which requires years of difficult, focused, and sacrificial effort.

Serious art forms do not appear from nowhere. Each art form or medium has developed within a historical context, which involves a "conversation" among artists within each field. Theater, visual arts, literature, poetry, music, dance, and even modern filmmaking, have histories, traditions, genres, and diverse stylistic approaches with which a serious artmaker must become familiar and attempt to master. Fine artists—just like engineers, scientists, physicians, or other specialists—must commit themselves to learning their profession, to pursuing an education that helps them understand the history of their art form, that lets them practice their craft and technique, and that gives them opportunities for invaluable critique from peers and the more mature artists with whom they study.

Along with committing themselves to education and training in craft, artists who pursue making serious art must also commit themselves to setting aside commercial success as the primary goal of their artmaking. All artists want their work to be experienced by others. Art is made to be seen, heard, or somehow experienced by an audience. But art whose purpose is to delve into the existential meanings of man cannot be created when the maker's primary motivation centers on selling the work. Fine artists, of course, desire to make a living from their work, but they understand the often intangible, constricting influence the commercial market can have on the nature of their art. Artists, students, and patrons of serious art accept this reality.

Making good art is extremely difficult. The aim of making serious art demands the artmaker's highest effort of thought, creativity, and craft, and because this is true, many of the artist's individual works fail to achieve the lofty standards of fine art. The full force of this fact often hits the artist only after years of education and training. Thus, taking on the vocation of artmaker, especially given its financial risks, can be an overwhelmingly intimidating venture.

In addition, though popular arts—rock and pop music and cinema, especially—thrive with wide, often knowledgeable and appreciative audiences, other art forms—poetry, classical music, jazz (the non-smooth variety), and many contemporary visual art forms—enjoy no such widespread popularity. No fame and fortune awaits the overwhelming majority of those pursuing careers in fine art. The artist inevitably agonizes over the question, "Why bother?"

Challenges for Christian artists

For those who understand and believe the biblical gospel, the pursuit of making serious art involves an additional set of difficulties. They face all the above challenges, along with some unique to Christian artists. And although there are no easy answers to these challenges, every believing artist committed to involvement in serious art must deal with them.

Defining faith. Many Christians struggle today with the basic question, "What is Christian faith?" Christians in the arts are no different. Christian artists own a special form of this struggle because they desire their art to reflect, at some level and in ways only art can, a vision of life and being human that is grounded in their faith. They must, therefore, know their faith and how it addresses the big issues of life; their faith in Christ should provide a distinct perspective on the human condition. Unfortunately, given the state of Christianity today, there is great confusion and debate over how to define Christian. Some "Christianities" tell us that God has promised us spiritual perfection in this life. Some tell us that Christian faith is about abundant material blessings, that it is positive thinking, or that it differs very little from Buddhist "consciousness." At the heart of this confusion lies the question of authority. Who or what sources shall act as our final authority in deciding what is authentic Christian faith?

Understanding calling. Many Christians understand and accept the notion of being gifted and called to a vocation through which they may work for God's purposes in this world and thus serve His Kingdom. They believe God can call someone to serve Him in business, medicine, counseling, or any number of other vocations. Artists, however, struggle with the notion of calling for several reasons. First, the church has very seldom, if ever, encouraged believers to callings in the arts, except those few arts—music, for example—employed in worship and fellowship. Second, identifying art with worldliness, many Christians think the art world is not safe for believers, who should not, therefore, be encouraged to enter it. Third, making a living while pursuing art is very difficult, if not impossible. For all these reasons, committing oneself to an art vocation doesn't seem to make "sanctified sense." How, then, can we know that God is leading someone toward a life in the arts? This important question is not easily answered for many young Christian artists.

Enduring misunderstanding. I dare not guess how many young artists have faced this intimidating question from well-meaning fellow Christians: "Why don't you get a real job?" While this question may arise out of sincere concern for the financial future and well being of the artist, it often betrays a deeper belief that working in art is a waste of good time. Art is impractical, a peripheral activity for eccentric, "not-normal" individuals who simply don't fit into the main, commonsense stream of life. Many Christians, including those in recognized Christian vocations, struggle to understand how artists can dedicate themselves so energetically to something that doesn't guarantee an income, that seems so esoteric and non-applicable to "normal" Christian work and life, and that requires involvement in a secular, often hostile art world so clearly dominated by non-Christian beliefs and values.

Confronting truth. The Christian artist faces a final challenge—ultimately the most important. Will the Christian artist, like any other believer, submit his life, and therefore his artmaking, to the vital, deeply personal issues confronting him in his relationship to God? Will he commit himself to making art that flows out of his struggle to make his faith in Christ the controlling vision of his life? Believers in every arena of human work and life—from business, science, and education to marriage, homemaking, and child-rearing—are continually confronted with God's call to embrace the gospel of Christ rather than a self-driven and worldly vision of life. In a world that constantly intimidates and seduces them to unbelief, all true believers—no matter what their gifts, vocations, opportunities, and callings—struggle mightily to believe and to continue to believe. From the biggest decisions to the smallest choices, God calls us to have spiritual character, which will inevitably confront every arena of thought and work in which we are immersed. In this respect, the Christian artist's calling, while it differs greatly from his secular counterpart, differs not at all from his fellow believer's. The Christian artist must confront what truly motivates him and therefore drives his art into existence and form. He must confront his spiritual condition: is his heart open to the truth God brings, and does his artmaking reflect this?

In conclusion

Humans inevitably engage in two kinds of work: the work they do for utilitarian purposes and the work they do to determine who they are and what they mean. When our utilitarian work has secured the necessities of life—sustenance, shelter, and safety—we turn to leisurely activities and "liberal" arts. The leisure of liberal arts is not merely for relaxation or entertainment, though that kind of leisure is valid. Ultimately, the most important of man's leisurely activities involves time given to exploring the meaning of his existence—his deepest identity and purpose. These activities are meaningful or practical not in a utilitarian way, but because they embody the human quest for an enduring definition of life in the cosmos.

Man's quest to understand what is real and valuable can occur in many ways—from the inquiry of scientific method to philosophical and theological reflection (not just the academic kind). As scientists and theologians record their thought processes and conclusions, so do artists communicate their explorations and discoveries. Serious artists do not so much aim at presenting copies of the world they explore. Rather, they attempt to make known—in speech, sound, movement, color, and physical materials—essential and deeply felt conclusions as they appear to them. Serious art articulates the deepest precincts of the human soul and how it perceives the world.

Art is not apologetics. Art is not evangelism. Art is not preaching the Scriptures. Writer and scholar George Steiner argues, however, that it is within art forms—visual, textual, auditory—that imago dei (image of God) attempts to articulate in lucid intensity and special language its encounter with fallen creation and the mysteries of existence. In this, serious art "distinguishes itself from the trivial and the opportunistic" (Real Presences, p.139).

The created "inner wiring" of some among us in the body of Christ calls them to make serious art. Why, then, would we not desire them to make it? Serious art made by serious Christians makes a valid and important contribution to the church's presence in this yet unredeemed world.

Aaron Swink's commentary on above article:
I wish I could articulate my thoughts as well as Mr Hurd but I will say that it's too bad there are not more voices saying this kind of thing. One would think that as those who's spirits are being "made alive day by day" and who are aware and even experience tangibly the supernatural, we would be more apt to create "serious" art, art that really attempts to plumb the depths of what it means to be a body-spirit hybrid. However, when I think of Christian art, I think of Precious Moments and Thomas Kinkade, not something that really explores new territory. I think a lot of Christians are afraid of art because when they think of "art" they think of a bunch of beret waring, french speaking, atheists making statues of the Virgin Mary out of piles of excrement. And if your only source for art news is what is reported on cable news, that is all you would hear about but the fact is, there are still many artists trying to explore the human condition in a meaningful and novel way. So I guess if you guys will allow me to get on a soapbox for a moment, if you feel that you have a gift for art, or rather, a gift for expression, then don't hide it under a bushel, let it shine! Even if some people think it is dumb or weird or worthless, or "artsy fartsy", just keep on expressing that inner life through what ever medium you can.

Peace and Love unto the brethren and sistren

Word

seasons change

some haikus for fun...

cold toes and red nose
mixed colors mingle with love
fall begins to fade

cozy among friends
hot tea warms me from inside
smiles beam radiance

echoes of Fall remain
laughter drifts into gray skies
crisp air speeds my steps

long silence, chilled air
content. coffee with my Lord.
peace. restoration.

a Psalm or two, praise
the hand that creates, restores
stand in grace, selah

winter beckons rest
shelter from the cold, hide away
in His arms of love

my Lover calls me
from afar He sings to me
yet a whisper, near

i will not hide, no
draw me out, though it is cold
Your love blankets me

in a land, far off
away from home as it is,
passing through this world

foreign, familiar
both alike, my soul decides
in Him, rest secure

snow laden mountains
o gaze of Love, melt my pride
wrap me in your grace

Creator, my Lord
how your hand painted every stroke
woven colors stream

rays of sun streak down
upon land; cries for healing
anoint with Your oil

cascades of winter
mountains, barren trees, gray skies
snow blankets, white grace

though the seasons change
the memories and friendships
their love never dies

together we'll be
one glorious day, indeed
singing praises, High!

greater purposes
we serve, living for Him, oh
and Living truly

press onward, we will
moving forward with our God
His Kingdom comes forth

like the seasons, too,
shall we all change and transform
live, hand in His hand

kingdom approaching
his Love kindles our fire so
steadfast and faithful

clay in the potter's hands

His footsteps lightly step into my room, a soft pattering as to keep me from hearing. I hear anyway. I look up to see him peeking behind the door, hiding with a big grin that can barley hold back his laughter. Who's there? I pretend not to see him. He smiles bigger. I can't help but light up inside.

The joys of children make you smile from the inside until you can't contain it any longer.

Working with children, I am continually being shaped and molded as a person. They require consistency. They require fairness. They require discipline. They require you to be selfless. They challenge your motives. They challenge your patience. They need your love. They need boundaries. They take your energy.

And yet, they give you laughter. They give you that hug you needed. They forgive quickly. They are resilient. They teach you about the ways of justice while having an uncanny grace about them.

I might be teaching my children, but they are teaching me so much in return.

My heart smiles as I think of their faces, their laughter, their jokes, their concern for me, their demanding nature, their youth and childlike perspective on life.

On the days that they stretch me, I remember that I am being molded. I am clay in the potter's hands. My children are just doing their job. They're testing me and shaping me. They are grace-growers in my life. They are teaching me so much about my Lord and his love.

Am I doing my job? Am I loving them? When I have struggled, the Lord has asked me, "What have you done for my __(name)__?" Humbled, I remember that I have been given the responsibility to shepherd these little ones and to look after them-- to care for them and love them with His love. They have been entrusted to me for a time. Am I doing my part? With this, I am humbled and know that only in Him can I do anything. Only in Him can I love these little ones and care for them and teach them.

His grace and love are sufficient. Every day is a day of grace. Grace to enjoy the day and grace to endure a day, depending.

Their little eyes look at me, waiting to be dismissed for the day. With every bit of self-control they have at this age, they stand still and squirm on occasion. High fives for some, while others hit my hand with their heads, and others hit my hand so hard it turns red. Either way, they all smile and laugh as they go. Then the littlest one comes back just for one last look in the classroom and chuckles. With that, I know in my heart, I love these kids.

foundations

As I took out my flute today and realized that it's been two months since I've touched it, I grieved a little in my heart. I began playing and sure enough, an airy sound came out--one that was not refined, out of practice, and probably out of tune because of the poor tone quality.

It's been years since I've been in the discipline of practicing everyday. If for no other reason (probably the only reason), I miss High School is for the music...the time I had to spend playing my flute and expressing myself without words. My senior year, especially, I gave hours and hours to playing. Starting with an hour warm-up and playing on for three more hours just about everyday. I look back and can't believe I was that disciplined. But the thing that was so vital to my playing was that I needed to do a warm-up everyday--a warm-up with the foundations of playing: long tones, breathing exercises, tonguing exercises, rhythm, harmonics, vibrato, etc.,etc.

Anyway, I was thinking on our relationship with God and how you can parallel it to music. In your walk with God you must remain in the foundations of your faith. You cannot just stop praying everyday because "you've arrived" or become mature or something. Rather, a sign of maturity is that you remain disciplined in the foundational things of your faith. Just as in playing-- good musicians do warm-ups and don't forget the importance of practicing fundamental things like long tones.

In our walk with the Lord, we mustn't forget the importance of daily meeting with the Lord, reading His Word, memorizing scripture, praying, fasting, and such. Just because we've read the Bible through once doesn't mean that we know it, nor does it mean that you can read it at your leisure now. Man does not live by bread alone, but from every word that comes from the mouth of God. (matt 4:4) As we go deeper with God and His Word He brings greater revelation...God uses the Word to guide us, convict us, teach us...as for prayer, why would we move forward in anything without it being backed by God?


It is so easy to lose your tone quality when playing a wind instrument. At first you stop playing long tones, then you slack off a little and quit playing everyday. Then you get like me and play every few months. You become out of practice and your sound will tell everyone. Your fingers lose their agility and you become out of breath more quickly. When you are walking with God and start to let your relationship slip, you can feel it, see it, and manifest it. As you slowly let little habits form-- not reading everyday, not praying, watching TV instead of seeking God, etc. then soon enough you find yourself in a very low place spiritually.

Not to have a religious spirit over us, but we do need to have the spiritual disciplines. After all, one of the fruits of the spirit is self-control. I think that self-control enables us to prioritize and to do the things that will feed our spirit and not our flesh or carnality.

Something that I've been trying to understand more is how to submit my soul (mind, will, emotions) to my spirit man. This has been very challenging and yet so rewarding. We must go deeper with the Lord by allowing our spirit to commune with His spirit and submitting our soul to that communion. We do it sometimes but to live that way all the time--that's the challenge. But God is good and He teaches us with great patience.
http://www.brilliantbookhouse.com/index.php?SESe4=SE4HDMTc1YThhYTNW6e5tipg2r3wfwFZgI0U9NgEIjUYaXtyL0TI__2pl__qRn5nad64ZS__3sl__bQQlaBNQU2dCH__3sl__E__1eq__SE4FT

The great thing about the holy spirit is that he gives us joy in the disciplines. He gives us a freshness for the Word, a spirit of prayer, a spirit of worship, a joy that becomes our strength. If we do things on our own then it is wearing and we easily give up. Without the power of the Holy Spirit, our prayers fade fast, our worship wanes, and we soon lose interest. But the holy spirit ignites us. He puts a fire deep in us. We need to be filled more and more with God's Holy Spirit.

We need to co-labor with God and use our talents for the Kingdom. Just because you're not in full-time ministry does not mean that you aren't in the ministry. If you are a follower of Jesus then you are called no matter where you are. Whether you're an economist, a musician, a teacher, an engineer, a park ranger....God will use you. God gave you specific talents and passions and skills for a reason. I've often heard, "The glory of God is man fully alive." May God's glory be manifested in our lives-- in everything that we do. Surrender it all to Him. This book had some great insight...
http://www.ibethel.org/store/p280/DreamingWithGodBook/product_info.html

More of YOU; less of me.

So, if you find yourself slipping in your time with the Lord...get back to the foundations. Otherwise, you'll end up with a stale faith.

And if you're spiritually doing well but have allowed your talents to be buried, then start digging 'em back up and using them for the Lord. Get back to the foundations. Start painting again. Start writing again. Start singing again. Start dancing again. Start playing music again. Begin doing whatever it is that you've put on the shelf.

...and start with the foundations.

releasing a debt owed to you

I'm learning to forgive those I never knew. Forgiveness is about recognizing a debt that someone owes you and then releasing that person from the debt they owe you. It's a choice.

A lot of times we believe that by forgiving we will invalidate our own hurt or make a statement that says, "What you did was okay," when in fact that is not what forgiveness says at all. Forgiveness, on the contrary, acknowledges the debt owed to you and then it extends grace and releases that person from the bondage of guilt and shame as it cancels out the debt. Forgiveness reconciles. After all, Jesus' ministry is that of reconciliation. 1 Corinthians 5: 18-19All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. and he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.

Often times it is easier to recognize your unforgiveness when someone has openly hurt you and/or offended you. However, there are instances, such as the one I am currently experiencing, where the offense was not fully known or acknowledged by me. God is big on forgiveness and releasing people into their destinies. I mean, He did send His son to take our place so that we could be ushered into His presence-- despite the sins. While we were still sinners Christ died for us (Romans 5:8)

God recognizes all debt that is owed. He also brings it forth as he restores you. He reconciles you to Himself as well as others. In the meantime, things that have been done you by others and vise versa, will surface-- even if you were not fully aware of them. God brings opportunity for forgiveness and grace to be extended for both parties involved. You have to remember that God is at work in that person's life as well. We are all on this journey. God is restoring all of creation. That includes the person who offended you.

Someone tells you that Johnny owes you $100 but you were unaware of it completely; he chose to never give you the money. This is a debt that you will have to forgive him for. Had no one brought it to your attention, you would never have recognized the need to forgive.

The situation I'm in is too personal to share, but I am in a place to forgive someone in which I had never truly acknowledged the debt this person owed me (like the above example). God has surfaced this and I am releasing forgiveness. In the spiritual realm this has great implications on this person's life as well as my own.

We forgive because he forgave us. In Christ, there is nothing owed to me. He has given me everything.

As we forgive, it allows others to be released and to step into their destiny with Christ. As we are forgiven, it releases us from shame and guilt. We have a God who forgives our wickedness and remembers our sins no more (jeremiah 31:34) We should forgive in the way he forgives.

Forgiveness also heals. Someone once said, "Bitterness is like swollowing poison and hoping the other person dies." Why would you ever do that? But we do all the time in our hearts when we don't release others from the debt they owe us. Even if the person never apologizes, we must forgive. You keep yourself in bondage by not forgiving. You give a foothold to the devil. Ephesians 4: 26-27 26"In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27and do not give the devil a foothold." By releasing the other person you also purge yourself of whatever poison had been in your heart. God heals your heart. On the other end, not enough can be said about the power of knowing you are forgiven. What healing that brings!

We must let go of our offenses. When you carry offenses it's like you are carrying a 2 by 4 across your shoulders. You are not only hurting yourself by carrying an offense but you are hurting others as you run into them! Carrying that offense keeps you from going through doorways. You are constanly running into things and you begin to push others away from you. You can't move forward in life or in what God is calling you to do. You are in bondage to your own unforgiveness. (kudos to Graham Cooke for this analogy...but the holy spirit gave him that image! woo)

Something to realize as well: anger usually covers up a deeper feeling-- one of hurt. Not until you can get past the anger will you see the wounds. And then you can begin to let Jesus heal the wounds and forgive others. Let God strip the anger. Give it to Him. You will be surprised at how much hurt is underneath there. I know I was when I first began my road of healing five years ago.

We must be a people who forgive. We must be a people who extend grace. Offenses are going to come. Hurt is going to come. People are going to do things to you that will beckon the need for forgiveness. Whether these things will happen is not the concern. The concern is: what will you do when they come? Will you forgive? I hope and pray that I will! I need so much grace! My little heart of justice runs me amock sometimes! But I have to remember, vengeance is God's. And right now, we are in a season of grace. Extend the hand of Jesus. He offers grace in order that it would be received.

(**kudos to Beth, LuJean, and Neva for their godly wisdom and advice. you are truly, spiritual mothers! thanks!)

Lilacs in Bloom

my old xanga account had this title "lilacs in bloom, the sweetness of knowing HIM"... when i had switched to blogger i had "fading embers glimmer beneath"... both of which i like. however, i think that lilacs in bloom contains more life. fading embers that still glimmer remind me of someone who is holding on to whatever hope and faith they can muster up. we are a people called to live by faith, and faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we cannot see (heb. 11:1). i prefer to be a lilac in bloom that is radiating the sweetness of my Jesus. Those in Christ should be blooming with love. we love because he first loved us (1 john 4:19). i pray to be that lilac and not a fading ember.

however, i do know where i come from and i know that i was an ember that had faded to almost nothing. when Jesus rescued me i was an ember on the brink of going out and not being revived. Jesus loves. Jesus rescues. Jesus saves.

when we are a fading ember we must fix our eyes on Jesus because he is the author and perfector of our faith. He is the one who will redeem. He is the only one who can breath life back into you. His Word and very breath gives you life and kindles the fire. He's the one who keeps your lamp burning at night. when i first tasted of Jesus, life began to come back in my bones immediately; life bagan to consume me and my hunger for truth, God, and love could not be satiated, save through my resting in HIM.

when you realize how broken you are and turn to HIM, he meets with you.

are you a fading ember? have you sought out the healing power of Jesus? have you come to the cross with your sin and burdens? praise be the Lord, to God our savior who daily bears our burdens! ps. 68:19 have you wrestled with the Lord through your questions and your pain?

we are made for eternity and we will experience an eternal death outside of the blood of Jesus. if you reject God now, you reject Him for eternity. because those who reject Jesus also reject the Father. we never know when our last breath will be. God is the author of history. he has ordained the beginning from the end.

we must get right with God. He has a destiny for you.

your submission to Him will ultimately bring you freedom.

fire will be restored in your heart and you will be a lilac in bloom. Lord, may we never stray from you. May we never let the embers die, but may the fire be tended to and the embers turned into flames. May our desire for you be a passion that cannot be shut up in our bones. May we radiate your frangrance of life and love, grace and mercy. Thank you for this season of grace, Lord. We should be more grateful. We are so undeserving and yet you still loved us. Selah.

they overcame

"They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony." Revelation 12:11a

I love the depth that the Lord brings in your life... and the commonalities you now share with any sister or brother simply by your walk with Jesus. I found myself being filled with encouragement today as we shared the inner workings of God in our lives--both in the past and today.

I love seeing how God has moved in someone's life-- aspects of God that He has revealed to and through that person. It is so incredibly beautiful. Absolutely breath-taking.

Today resembled one of those movies where you walk in and out of a story being told as the past becomes interrupted by present happenings. I think of Fried Green Tomatoes or Forest Gump... We walked and talked, then the story would be paused for a stop at Buy the Way for a snack and then we'd resume. Once again, interrupted to buy a ticket for the subway and back to chatting again-- right at the depth we had left off at.

Intent on the story being unwrapped, a beautiful package of the Lord's working through the years... we laughed as an older man tried to sell us men's socks... then back to the story... shwarmas...talking over ice-cream...sitting on a bench outside for an hour... we made our way through Seoul today, looking around and all the while sharing our hearts-- sharing what Jesus has done in our lives...proclaiming the testimony of Jesus in our lives.

Weaving in and out, we talked and shared. God is good. We have been blessed to be a blessing... to share the freedom that we've received.

...Maybe we'll have some mint tea tonight and talk some more. :)

What is God doing in your life today? What is your testimony today? If you have a testimony from your past but not for today, receive a fresh breath... Who is Jesus to you? Our testimony in Jesus is powerful. This is the most important thing in life-- the revelation of who Jesus Christ is and what He has done for you. Do you know Him? Have you spoken with Him today?

Walking Out Freedom, Day by Day

Once you've received freedom, there is a very real aspect of walking it out. If you have your eyesight given back to you, you're not going to keep your eyes shut. If you've been given the ability to walk, you're not going to stay bound to a wheel chair. You have to take the inititative to walk out the new found healing and freedom.

This goes for emotional and inner healing as well.

Those first steps may be scary. They may be hard and even have some seeming failures, but you have to stumble a little to gain strength back in those muscles that haven't been used in so long or in some cases, never. As God uproots insecurities and delivers inner healing accompanied with truth, you must walk it out in circumstances that will challenge this freedom. If He's delivered you from lies and hurts and pain, you must take a step of faith and walk out that freedom. This is by no means easy; however, it is essential.

Since I've been in Korea I have been experiencing this challenge-- being stretched to walk out the freedom God has given me. God has been placing me in situations and circumstances that require me to depend solely on Him and to call on His name in the freedom that He has given me. In times that the enemy brings back the lies, I have to continually renew my mind and hold fast to the truth and the healing that I've received.

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

If the Lord has delivered you from something, don't go back to that bondage; rather, walk out your freedom. Let God challenge and continually change you. Allow God to renew you day by day. God is always taking us into greater places of freedom. Stay hungry for the King and remember your dependence on Him. Take His hand and begin walking out your freedom. We have to learn how to walk again or walk for the first time.... think of how a baby learns to walk. Eventually mommy and daddy let go and tell him to come to them. God will do that. "You've got this. You can do it. Look at you go!" He'll cheer for you! He'll never leave you but He will challenge you and ask you to get out of the boat. All He needs is faith the size of a mustard seed and He can move mountains through you.

Take hold of your healing and freedom...and begin to walk it out. Though it may be hard and scary...it is so worth it! "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." Galatians 5:1

"Without Superpowers There is No Hope"

I finished checking my students' weekend journals...I had given them the topic: If you could have a super power what would it be?

I've found that whenever I ask kids this question, they all tend to have a similar idea of what they would want to do...at least my students back in the States and here in Korea.

After grading all nine of their entries, I found a common theme: they all desired to have a super power that would some how benefit the world and get rid of all the bad people and make it a better place to live. I love to hear their hearts on this issue of good and bad. God has placed it on our hearts and given us an awareness of good and evil. Things of God and things against God. He has written it on our hearts.

This world continues to get darker and darker but it's amazing to see what God is doing world wide. It is time for God's people to really stand up and speak out His name and claim His goodness... to advance His Kingdom.

The last paper I checked summed it up in the final line, "Without superpowers, there is no hope." We need the power of God. We need to be walking with Jesus and rely on His power alone. That is the only way we will see transformation.

some treasures and challenges

"You cannot discover who you are by yourself-- it has to be in the context of serving people. It's the only way because by nature, you're identity of who you are in God is connected to how you manifest Him in certain people around you." --Bill Johnson

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recently been challenged by this, especially as I pray for God to root me...

Jackie Pullinger lived in the Walled City of Hong Kong for about 20 years, reaching out to heroin addicts and prostitutes. She saw many come to Christ and be delivered from heroin through prayer with little or no symptoms of withdrawal... here in her book, Chasing the Dragon, she is referring to the blessings she received from her long term commitment versus the short term visits from others:

// So we were present at one of those times in history when the past blares, intruding the present, and I am in them both. I often tell visiting missions teams of this phenomenon. It is fashionable nowadays to visit Asia, China, and the poor for a few days, weeks, or months and call it outreach. Over the years we have had hundreds of short-termers who want to get the picture immediately-- if possible, on video-- so they can show it to their home church and have an inspired evening. I have begged them to love the people and stay like Sai Di did for me 30 years ago. the disadvantage of short term missions is a wrong perspective based on this generation's need for instant results.

...the remarkable fact that after so long we still see most addicts who come to us believe in Jesus, pray in tongues, and detoxify from drugs painlessly does not obscure the fact that they need a changed mind. So the voyeurs leave. They have their video clips, but they never saw. It was either all too good or all too bad, and neither was accurate. We love our people whether they turn out well or not, and the successes do not vindicate our ministry nor do the disappointments nullify it. What is important is whether we have loved in a real way-- not preached in a n impassioned way from the pulpit.

...If God meant a child to grow slowly and safely in a loving family for up to 18 years, why should we be angry at those who do not change at our pace for the sake of statistics, furlough or sadly for some, funding?

...people I had spent time with so long before never forgot, even though we lost each other for a while. Suddenly, someone from the past would reappear again, and it would turn out that he had not killed the memory of a love that was so extraordianry that the giver spent Himself in giving until He died. So we have been the delighted, sobbing representatives of the Father whoese prodigal son crawled or rushed home after all. Our summer missionaries did not stay to see this, although we hoped they might yearn for it somehow. Stay for the party. The fleeting volunteer sometimes catches a course-- sweet and sour-- but no one savors the whole menu like me. 'Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink,' said the master of the banquet when He called the bridegroom aside, 'but you have saved the best till now.'

...and they expected me to do it all. And so much of the rest of the church was engaged in discovering their giftings rather than giving. //

a Girl's Dream

Let Him peel back the walls and unravel the deepest desires of your heart...

"Dad, when I grow up, I'm going to build two big mansions with heart windows. One is going to be for all my friends and family to live in, and the other one is going to be for the biggest McDonald's playground EEVVer."

Just a little girl sharing her heart's desires and yet, she spoke with great conviction. I remembered this desire of mine a few days ago and longed for this simple but impossible dream once again. Passing through this life, making our mark, representing God or something else, we leave impressions on those we bump into along the way. I think that this desire is still just as strong in me as when I was a child-- this desire to have everyone I love around me (and of course the huge maze of tunnels and slides!).

I think of the places that my feet have tread, the friendships I have made, the acquaintances I’ve passed, the faces I longed to know more intimately, the kindred souls I connected with upon meeting, the sweet memories of all those souls I have encountered, the hearts I dreamed of touching, the hearts that moved me, the bitter and the sweet moments-- every part that has been intricately woven.

I thought of how much I long for Eden and the presence of the Lord-- the new heaven and earth, the face of the Lord.

I look at this world and the people in it, and I realize that any beauty I see is from God. Any grace, any peace, any joy, any faithfulness, any kindness, anything good, any radiance, any glory-- it is all the mark of our Creator. He manifests through His creation.

Thinking over the faces and hearts I've known, a sweetness settles in as I experience them all over again. Every soul I have bumped into has some how impacted me in a way that has drawn me closer to God-- revealing the nature of God—eventually drawing me into His love.

I think of the grace people have extended...the joy people have shared with me... the tears people have wept with me and for me... the overwhelming love I've received... the forgiveness I've been given... the servant's heart--the way someone has cared for me... a stranger's smile and kind gesture... an intimate's embrace... a deep, rolling laugh that makes you sore the next day... the extension of a hand... the playfulness... the discipline and rebuke... those who have lead me, carried me, followed me, walked with me... the ones who have known the details of who I am... the ones who cared about my passing thoughts... the ones who understood me through and through...

All of these people have some how revealed a part of God to me that I needed to experience and understand at a heart’s level.

As I walk more with the Lord, His kindness throughout my life becomes more and more apparent-- so much so that I am humbled to my knees—having a glimpse of just how kind He truly has been-- even as I am so undeserving. He is the kindest I know.

As we are here for a purpose, we need to be fully alive at all times...no matter where the Lord places us and no matter for how long we will be there. We never know what the Lord has in store and who we are supposed to meet. From a simple bus ride to a month stay, to years of commitment somewhere…God always has something in store. Just keep your eyes and heart open.

I think on people and places with fondness, but I also understand that the Kingdom is coming forcefully and we must be moving forward with God. His joy sustains. His purposes prevail. His love overwhelms. His glory reigns. This is what carries me onward. This is what drives me. This is the God who has so lovingly placed me where He wants me and when He wants me…

So, my heart still cries out for God and for people… that they may know the kindness that I have known and that they may bend a knee to the One who has given everything.

The little girl grew up and now she understands that her heart’s desires were planted by the Creator Himself— beautifully, a longing for the King and His Kingdom, full of His people.

Bill Johnson _ Pain

Here's part of his latest podcast... great teaching on inner healing in the presence of God... one-step program: meet with God. We need to learn how to tend to our hearts and meet with God. This is something that the Lord has been teaching me the last few years. It's beautiful and there's no other way for true healing than meeting with the Healer.

-------------- please excuse the typos -----------------------

Bill Johnson 9/2/08

Matthew 14
Vs.13 When Jesus heard that John was beheaded, he departed from there by a boat to a deserted place by himself but the multitude found him. He met them and then he departed again and went up to a mountain.
This is not a formula, but there is something here…. Jesus was tempted in everything…. he faced disappointments, losses, etc. but he never sinned. In this situation when he heard about john the Baptist who was his cousin (indebtedness b/c he’s a relative and john had laid his life down to prepare the way)…as soon as he heard, he sought to get alone. It’s the one step program. It’s time to get up on the mountain before the father and stay there until I get fixed. There aren’t hoops to jump through, scripture to memorize…all there is is an intense drive to not leave the way I went up.

Jesus sought a place to get alone with the Father. Right away he ran into crowds putting demands on him and what does he do? He ministered to them. Everyone in this room needs to know what it is to minister out of weakness and to write a spiritual check that you don’t think you have the reserves for. You need to let God show up. You don’t have anything left to give but then you see someone and feel the Lord pull you to them and step out to see the Lord do a miracle. Jesus steps out of his need to be alone with the Father and ministers to the ppl out of his own place of weakness and then he sent everyone away and went up to the mountain.

Some things can only be solved through time with the Lord. You can go to a conference, buy the latest book, have ppl pray and prophesy over you but there is some stuff that just don’t get fixed until you go up on the mountain. There are some things that don’t get recalibrated or readjusted and set in our heart and mind until there is time with the Father where things change. How long did he stay there? It didn’t say and I’m glad it didn’t’ say b/c then we’d make it a rule. It’s just not that way.

Disappointment comes. You start to make your way to the Father. If something interrupts you stop and minister to it but you don’t lose your focus. You finally get time with God and you don’t leave until there is a change.

If I’m willing to give up my right to understand then I receive the peace that surpasses all understanding. When I lay down my right for an explanation from God b/c it usually comes out of an accusing spirit where I hold God responsible to meet my description of what he should live like. When you lay down that thing in you that demands earthly justice of God instead of divine justice of earth…when that switch is made then you become positioned for the heart of the father and you receive a grace over your life that is unexplainable to the ppl around you.

What we’ve seen in our own household…two major hits for us…it’s extremely painful and to be facing this..their first declaration after his loss is “God is good.” wow… job’s wife says curse God and die. And while I don’t know any Christians to promote that there are plenty that teach the equal. We are a group of ppl that need some time on the mountain.

You can’t have a gathering like this where there isn’t tragedy and triumph at the same time…so you can preach to either side and always be successful...but our focus is we celebrate what God is doing but when there is loss we have to mourn without going into unbelief and without creating a lifestyle of distancing ourselves from challenges. We look for crisis and impossibilities. This situation of Jesus going up to the mountain is so profound…b/c you have to see the result. When he came down he crossed over and came to the land of Gennesaret some men and when they recognized him they brought to him all who were sick and begged him to touch the hem of his garment. as many who touched his garment were made well.

I want to suggest to you that Moses’s encounter on the mountain when the glory of the Lord radiated….a piece of cloth could cover it… but when Jesus went up on the mountain not only couldn’t a piece of cloth cover the glory but instead released it. Somehow there was something upon him that when he came down a whole group of ppl could see it.

Everyone rushing to touch one person’s coat and everyone was healed who touched him. Where did that come from? When he heard about John’s death he went up to the mountain to pray. Why? b/c it’s time for vindication. Vindication doesn’t come from emotional hype. It doesn’t come b/c we want to see this destroyed. It’s b/c in loss you meet with the one who is good, always.

How many of you have been affected in recent days by loss? See, what happens is that if you don’t deal with it then you just build on it. And if you don’t ever meet with the Father then we weaken the whole deal. Years later you don’t know there is weakness there but something is set on there and is too heavy and you crumble.

It’s a one-step program. Meeting with God. No pat answer, no intellectual answer, but I’m after the presence and peace of the Lord to compensate for the weakness, confusion, and loss and questions etc. Until that measure of grace from the presence of God saturates me then I’ll be poisoned by the disappointments and sting of loss.

We want this healed. Go to your mountain. Go to the place with the Father where you learn in a fresh way in the heart about the one who answers the slightest whim of a request. To a father that is so extremely good that even ones that have experienced extreme tragedy can still declare God’s goodness. Pray to go to the deepest place of loss and disappointment and pray that God will bring resolve and take you to the mountain with Him.

Cleaning Out What Has Hardened

Old food clung with all its strength to the side of my bowl. I scrubbed and scrubbed in vain. Alas, I turned on the water and poured in some soap. This mess would have to soak for some time until I would be able to scrape out the muck and at last see a clean bowl.

As I was doing this simple task, I thought of how we do the same thing to our hearts emotionally and spiritually. We allow junk to build up until it hardens and cannot be easily removed. Scraping out the junk takes effort. We must soak in love and truth from the Lord, allowing it to seep into the pores of our soul and heart in order that our hearts may be softened enough to scrape out the mess.

You see, that argument turned into an offense which became a grudge, eventually planting a seed of bitterness. That little sin, well, he soon became a great desire which formed into a habit, eventually shutting out the light, leading to greater sin. Those passing thoughts-- well, they soon became more than just passing thoughts; they began to stick around. They began to push out the truth. In fact, they became the posing "truth" and formed new and unhealthy ways of thinking.

Meanwhile, the heart hardened more and more, just as the food in that bowl did the longer I left it alone. You see, the things that we sometimes shrug off, end up being our greatest enemy. In Jackie Pullinger's book, Chasing the Dragon, she explains the way of darkness through drugs:

"Every addict has a love-hate relationship with his drug. His mind despises it and its hold over him. His body longs for it when deprived for too long and cheats his mind into seeing it as a salvation. No one ever knows when he crosses the line from 'playing' with drugs to being dependent on them. One novice vomits the first time and tries again to see whether it improves. Another feels little effect and imagines that he can take it again quite safely. He starts with a small dose, but what satisfies at first is soon not enough and he needs to take more to prevent withdrawal pains. He takes bigger doses more and more often until he is arrested or dies."

It starts out small...and eventually leads to death--whether it's a physical death or spiritual death. Either way, the walking dead or grave stricken man--they are both dead.

Jackie continues to explain the allure of the drug itself:

"It was a degrading scene, but I was fascinated and attracted. I felt the pull of the drug that every potential addict knows and which defies logic. He knows it kills; he knows it leads to addiction and depravity. He knows all the arguments with his head, but he still has to try it. And having tried once, he has to continue until he is part of the mystique that drew him. [...] I felt the pull of the drug. It was attractive. It was demonic."

We must continually be pruning our hearts and keeping them cleaned out. We must allow the Lord to reveal the state of our hearts. What seemed trivial to start, may soon grow roots that intertwine, running so deep that ripping them out will cause immense pain-- pain that could have easily been prevented from the beginning.

Be honest before the Lord. Lay your heart bare before the Lord. He will clean you up in the kindest way. He may discipline you, but only out of love. He will pour ointment on the wounds and bandage you properly.

During the time of cleaning--remember that the bowl had to soak and so does your heart. It takes time. You must soak in the Lord's presence. You must allow Him to work things out fully. Are you willing?

Vagabond with Roots and Purpose

Leaning out the window, rain water drips down wetting the back of my hands. My eyes turn upward to see the overcast sky and a gentle downpour. My gaze ventures down five stories again and a traffic line of floating umbrellas pass by in a most graceful manner. I can only imagine the faces underneath the moving shelter.

Sighing, I turn inward again, now inhaling a breath of air tainted by cigarette smoke. I begin dreading the thought of having to be bound in this hotel all day due to rain. Instead, Tara and I gear up to face the rain. To my surprise, the rain did not keep Koreans bound to their homes. The streets are filled with people as well as the malls crawling with shopping addicts. To a country that experiences a rainy season every year, the rain poses no threat. The people have become accustomed to it and bare the rain with no hesitancy. Women in heals, skirts, and plush purses...men in nice pants. The rain makes no difference to the locals. Tara and I are quite impressed.

Dropping off my key at the front desk and heading for the elevator, the man at the desk kindly motions to me that it is raining. I nod and point to my rain jacket, putting the hood over my head. He motions to wait and then comes back with an umbrella which he offers to me. I can not believe his generosity. It challenges me as I wonder if I would have done the same thing had I been in his shoes. Knowing that I probably wouldn't have, I am a little embarrassed and reluctant to accept his offer, but I graciously accept and thank him with a slight smile and bow. I suppose I have no idea how to really say thank you, as I can not even remember how to say thank you in Korean. This language is so foreign to me--nothing sounds familiar. Mulling over this simple act, I find that such experiences tend to alter my mindset and open my eyes to a way of living that is foreign to me and yet should be familiar.

Looking into another culture can some how strangely be like looking into a mirror, as you begin to see things about yourself that were hidden to you before but now stand out like a sore thumb. You begin to see the markings of your culture over your personality and character...the experiences of your culture that have helped form you...these little indentions all over. These things look at you with a most powerful gaze and some how they were hidden, only to be recognized once outside the bounds of their own origin.

Another day in Asia, and I can barely grasp the reality that I am 6,000 miles from a place I call home. Transition here seems to be smooth for several reasons. One being that Korea is far more developed than the Latin American countries I have lived in previously; my job requires me to speak English all day long (which I have correlated my homesickness with the expanse of my language barrier on many occasions); I've had Tara to experience and process everything with; and God has really been a covering for me--orchestrating everything and leading me this whole time.

I wonder how I will feel several months from now. Regardless, I am enjoying the newness of everything and feeding the hunger I have for adventure, culture, and travel. It's like a sickness. A bug that you are born with that does not go away. It can only be satiated by the adventure itself, no matter how short or close to home the trip may be. A mere weekend excursion, a road trip across the country, or a one-way flight to Asia as in this case.

People such as myself must realize that roots and having an anchor are good and to be desired. Being a vagabond is not necessarily the answer to such deep hungers. There is something real about needing to have the Lord settle your wandering soul. In the end, it's not about all the places you've traveled or ventured to, but rather the places of your heart that have been uncovered and shared, the people you've encountered, the intimacy you've experienced with the Lord, and His love that is shared along the way.

In a post-modern culture that thrives on experience, I'm afraid I'm a walking product of the scene. My only desire is that I seek the Lord over my hunger for adventure and experience. I want to be one who only experiences things as the Lord calls--that I would not be so concerned with an experience as I am with the purposes of the Lord. I want to be subject to the requirements of the King.

Adventure in itself can become an idol when it is placed above our relationship with the Lord. I find that a relationship with the Lord usually takes you on adventures and is an adventure in and of itself. Perhaps the adventures depend upon the person and personality or perhaps not. I can see those faithfuls who have been loyal to one community their entire lives and have no desire to venture out. I admire their stability and roots. I also see those who have the roots but also venture out from time to time.Admirable as well.

No matter-- I have a traveling shelter and security in the Lord. Where I am there I am and He is in me and surrounding me. As long as my roots are deeply planted in Him... because in the end, we are just passing through--but with purpose.

I've Arrived!

Monday, July 14, 2008

After 16 hours of flying time and more hours in the airport, and an hour's drive through the mountains....I am finally here in Bundang, South Korea! It's about 9pm here or 7am Texas time. I already have a full schedule for tomorrow, including a teacher's meeting! Tara and I are hoping that we won't be falling asleep!

There is a two week overlap with the teachers leaving, so until they are gone, Tara and I are temporarily staying in a hotel. It's not so bad but not what we expected. So no settling down in our studio apartments just yet....But any time you travel, you learn that being flexible is the best thing to be! So, I will continue living out of a suitcase with a smile =) Thankfully there is internet in our rooms and an AC unit because the weather here is not much different from Houston--hot and humid! Ha!

The visibility is very poor with all the fog...but it makes the mountains look beautiful as they are silhouetted through a dimmed haze. They are lush with lots of vegetation--it reminds me of the rolling hills in Costa Rica. Of course, down in the city I am among neon signs, swarms of people, and tall buildings...just like you imagine.

Just a Thought

We all here the cliche, o he's a "half-full" kind of guy or she's a "half-empty" kind of girl... somehow we say that our personality is either optimistic or pessimistic. I kind of believe that it has to do with character. I mean think about it: what are the fruits of the spirit? what were the words of Jesus like?

I would have to say that I don't believe it's fair to use your personality as an excuse to say that you're a pessimist. Instead, I think that it's an issue of renewing your mind and changing the way you think. I can say this because in my flesh I am naturally negative and see the bad side of things. However, I make a conscious effort to change the way I think and try to see things how God would see them. This does not mean that everything is always rose colored. No, but it does mean that I am searching for the hand of God in every situation. This is something that you can practice. You can choose the thoughts that you will dwell on. You can choose to worry about the worst possible situation or you can pray for the best outcome. You can dwell on the negative or you can contend for the positive as the Lord takes you through the dirt.

Or even in day to day living-- think about the things that upset you or cause you to have negative thoughts. The guy cut you off, you ran out of bread, you were offended by what he said, you stubbed your toe, you had to wait in a long line, your computer is running slow, you spilled your coke... Little things. But those little things add up. And pretty soon you're so negative that no one can stand being around you. I have people like this in my life and they are no fun to be around for sure.

Anyway, I'm not perfect at being positive all the time and I find myself complaining too, but we can at least make a concerted effort to change the way we think and perceive situations. With enough practice it becomes habit and the way we naturally function. Just like any other habit you try to change, transforming your thoughts takes practice and sometimes great effort and even concentration. Before you know it, the Lord is changing how you think and the Holy Spirit is giving you better thoughts.

We want to be givers of life, not death.

Something else that kind of goes along with this: David Grotheim taught me a value and practice that I hold onto-- "Always think the best of someone." This is so vital. I cannot tell you how much it has changed the way I see other people and even how much trouble this "simple" (I quote it because it takes a lot to change your thought patterns in this area) practice saves you. When you are one, able to stop being so concerned about what others think of you and their motives, then it frees you a lot. And two, when you can think the best of the other person, it saves you from cursing them with your thoughts and words as well as judging them for something that you don't even know is true or not. Plus, a lot of times, the person is not malicious and isn't out to get you like you think (although there are those rare occasions). But for the most part, people aren't out to get you and you don't have to always think the worst of them. If you can't see the whole picture then don't fill it in with your negative thoughts of that person. Even if the person has some flaws (b/c we all do), try to see the best in them and see them how God does. I assure you God doesn't think the malicious thoughts that we sometimes have of other people. Maybe David could explain it better.

Well, them's my two cents for what it's worth. The end.

Remembering Tomatoes

"There are some things that you will never outgrow."

-----------------/-------{@

Arriving at my Granny's house, she geared up to spend some quality time with me. This of course meant that we would have our traditional pizza from Pizza Hut, we would sit on the back porch and talk over coffee, and ....she had purposefully left some ripe tomatoes on her plant for me to pick. She had already harvested a few but then she knew that I would be delighted to go outside to her garden (which in all sincerity is only a few flower pots on the back porch) and pick the red tomatoes. She was so thrilled and could not wait for me to remember the days of old...as my sister and I used to love going out to her garden and pick mint leaves for our tea, okra "boats" for out bath toys (that's another story), and cherry tomatoes to eat! On some occasions she even had squash or watermelon.

So, she took me outside and showed me her plump reds...and I proudly picked them for her in remembrance of all the memories we have made together over the years. She laughed, and said whole heartedly, "There are some things that you will never outgrow."

I believe this with my all my heart. What fun is life if you outgrow everything you loved from childhood? =P

In Your Blood, LIVE!

[Dedicated to those who have experienced the abuses of the enemy as well as other people]

A darker entry, but one of declaration of freedom and liberation from the affairs of the enemy (and people that the enemy uses against you)...

Sometimes you just have to declare the truth outloud and claim the freedom that Jesus has already bought for us.

// Your words have been bitter and cold and I cannot afford to receive anymore of them, and I choose not to receive your criticisms that only lead to the destruction of a soul. I ask the Lord to release me from your grip and the death that comes with your words. I let go of the things that have been spoken over me and I find solace in the love that the Lord has for me. I refuse to believe the lies and hatred that you have spoken over me. My Lord rebukes in love but you criticize and judge out of bitterness and hurt. It spills out of you like venom and I will not let it poison me anymore. I receive only life from the Lord and choose life and freedom.

I plea for His mercy as I know that His kindness is what has drawn me to repentance and continues to. I am broken and know my need for Him. In times of suffering, He pulls me close to His chest, that I may breathe in sync with Him. He is taking me to a deeper romance as He is entrusting a greater understanding of His pains and suffering by means of my own suffering. He is making beauty from ashes.

I refuse to take the sting of your sin and your hatred bubbling out of you. I repel your words that sear and destroy a soul. I receive only the life that the Lord offers me. I receive His freedom. I will no longer be bound in your entanglement of lies, insecurities, wounds, and venom. I will not fall a fool of your mockery. I will not become a puppet you control. I will not let your thoughts become mine. I will not become in the image of you but only of my God. I will not let your bitterness creep into my heart. I will not let my anger rage on past sunset. I will choose to forgive. I will not be clothed in your lies, but my Lord will clothe me with fine linen and silk. I will no longer eat your poison but I will taste of sweet honey from my Lord.

I will rest in the arms of my Lord. He knows my heart and He knows my love for Him. Your thougths about my heart and soul are of no concern to me for they are mere thoughts. But my Lord KNOWS me and my heart. He KNOWS me. I find solace in that. He KNOWS me and LOVES me. His grace is sufficient and He delivers me from trouble. He delivers me from your lies and your harsh words. He delivers me from even your thoughts and accusations. I am free in Him. I am FREE. Like a battered woman whose just realized her abuse and that she is deserving of better treatment, I stumble out verbally beaten, and I realize that I need better treatment. I realize that the Lord held my hand as I desperately stepped into the light. He whispered His love. He held me until I cried and then He held me through my tears. Then He wiped them away and said, "In your blood, LIVE! I said in your blood, LIVE!" //

Please declare this for yourself if need be. I can almost garuntee that everyone experiences the abuses of the enemy to some degree and sadly, the abuses of others as an effect of sin. Receive your freedom and declare it on a mountain top!

Hold On and Obey God

A journal entry from January:

Meeting a woman of God during a tragic event can change your life.

In light of the circumstances, I was blessed and challenged to see this woman of God offering so much to people she had only just met. With the recent loss of her son, I cannot imagine what she must have been feeling.

I do know, she had the presence of God settling over her with such an impact that it touched me to stand only a few feet from her. She spoke to us with pure grace and conviction... a woman who knows the Lord in and out... who's holding on no matter what. She grabbed my arm, looked me straight in the eyes and said through tears:

"The one thing I can tell you is to always obey God. No matter what--always obey God. And I'll tell you, God is going to take you through some hard things, but you obey God. He doesn't build bridges over things or dig trenches under them. He walks you through them, but you hold on and obey. People might think you're crazy for what you're doing, but if God tells you to do it, you better obey Him. You cry out to God--get in a place where you are alone with God and you cry out to Him. And you obey Him."

I don't think I've ever met a more courageous woman. I can understand now why her son was so passionate for God. Her words seared my heart forever.

May we always be steadfast, Lord. Always.

"I Have Found"...the Freedom Train

This is a post from May 11th:


"I Have Found" by: Kim Walker (Jesus Culture)

//I have found a peace
that plows on through the storm
I have found a joy
that jumps over sadness
I have found a love
that lights up every room
I have found
I found you

You are all I want
You are all I need
Everything my heart could hope for
We are longing for
the glory of the Lord
Because we know
there's so much more

I have found a trust
that teaches how to rest
I have a grace
that guides me by the hand
I have found a strength
that stands like a mountain
And I have found
I found You

Only you...//

This weekend Erin, Michelle and I went to the JesusCulture Conference in the Dallas/Ft Worth area and the team from Bethel at Redding, CA came along with Bill Johnson and Cindy Jacobs. These are the lyrics to one of the songs that we sang and professed...I highly recommend any of the jesusculture cds!

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Revival is happening and it is so exciting to be a part of-- that God uses His people! I am continually amazed by God's glory and power when displayed...I never want to stop being in awe of God and what He is doing worldwide!

You always hear of miracles happening but when you actually witness it, it's just absolutely amazing... the first night that we were there about 200 people were healed from some kind of aliment, whether it was a a deaf ear opening or a hurt ankle becoming pain free and healed.... there was one man that during the teaching, the glory of the Lord settled in the room and by the end he could hear 100%! There was another girl that had a leg that was badly injured from playing sports and her leg got really hot and she started screaming and jumping up and down because God healed her leg. There are so many stories...I could go on and on...

Maybe it's hard for some to believe this, whether they don't believe in God or they don't believe in the active gifts of the holy spirit, but I can testify that I've seen and experienced the power of God. He is alive! Jesus is risen and God's glory is consuming the earth! It is time to align yourself with what he's doing!

During some of the break-out sessions there was a session on "Words of Knowledge"...I did not go to this one but Michelle and Erin did. Well, my session got out early so I went into the main auditorium and sat in the back. There were several people on stage giving their words of knowledge that the Lord gave them. The speaker joked, "Here they all come (us from the other session) and they're going to benefit from our session." I laughed...

About the third person down the row to share said, "So this is crazily specific. I saw a clear picture. I saw clouds and then out of the clouds a train started coming. The train came out of the clouds and on the train the word 'Freedom' was written on the side." I suddenly felt a shock go through my body. Then he continued, "And there is a girl riding on the train named Diane." I freaked out a little. I sunk down in my chair a little...looking around for someone else to claim this...surely, out of a conference of 900 people someone else would speak up. No one fessed up...Then I looked down and Michelle and Erin were frantically looking around for me. They asked, "Does this mean anything to anyone?" As no one else raised her hand, I slowly raised mine. I could not believe that God would call me out like that! That has never happened publicly before!


Well, the more I meditated on this word and vision, I knew it was for me. The last four or five years of my life the Lord has been taking me on a journey of freedom and healing...and even that very morning I was wrestling with the Lord and asking him to set me completely free. He has not only set me free but he wanted to proclaim it and profess my freedom to me before everyone! All I had to do was accept his proposal for freedom! It was the sweetest experience... All weekend I was the "freedom train girl" and didn't even have to introduce my name... haha--it was kind of embarrassing, but rocking cool too!

I am sharing this testimony because I want others to jump on the freedom train and claim their freedom in Jesus Christ! There's room for everyone! You can leave your past behind...He will heal every wound...just jump on the train that's ushering in the Kingdom! Jesus is so good...

The saddest thing to me is when I see believers in bondage....Jesus offers so much freedom...all you have to do is receive it! Let Him dig up the roots of lies and wounds and replant the truth and His love.

Burnt Toast, Egg Shells and Coffee Grinds

Sizzling in the pan, eggs began to cook as a little girl's hand took the spatula and did her best cook breakfast for Dad while making a mess in the kitchen. Only eight, she tried to remember how mommy always did it. First you got to crack the eggs, but that turned out to be a lot harder than she thought. When they wouldn't crack properly she just used her hand to finish the job, not noticing the bits of egg shell that fell in. She beat the eggs with a fork and somehow managed to get them in the pan with only a little bit of soupy egg spilling out.

So proud. She grinned cheek to cheek. Today was a special day for Dad, and she wanted to make it even more special for him.

She popped a slice of bread into the toaster, turning the heat setting like mom always did-- only she didn't know what it did. She just knew that mommy turned it. Somehow, her toast turned out a lot blacker than mommy's. Maybe Dad would like it that way, she thought.

Ahhaa! Coffee! Dad drinks coffee. She searched the pantry up and down until she found Folger's Coffee. She'd seen her Dad do this before. It's simple. You get a filter and put some coffee grinds in there. A few scoops of that should do the trick. She poured water into the coffee maker, and all over the floor in the process.

A plate of eggs, burnt toast, and a cup of the blackest coffee you'd ever seen, she geared up to show her masterpiece to her father. Mom and Dad were just beginning to wake, as they probably smelled the remnants of coffee and burning toast...she knocked and then came in with a show. Happy Father's Day, Dad!

He could not have been more delighted. He smiled and with his deep, rolling laugh began to dote on his daughter. She beamed. As he sipped his bitter, black coffee, he could not help but chuckle, "How much coffee did you put in there, Dyanne?"
"I did it just like you, Dad."

I don't think he had it in his heart to mention the egg shells in his eggs or the burnt toast. But he didn't mind because it was my best offering of love I could give to him.

Thinking back on that memory, I could not help but laugh out loud and smile as I realized that that is how God views us. We blunder often (not even realizing it) and even when we are offering Him our best, it is still tainted with egg shells and coffee grinds. But He knows our hearts. He sees our hearts and our intentions. I have to remember that as I cannot be and never will be perfect. I can strive for holiness, and seek Him, but I will always be human and need the all-encompassing grace that Jesus offers.

Thank you, Jesus, for your grace and love. Thank you, Father, for your love and delight in us!

The other thing that I noticed was that that eight year old Dyanne was not ashamed to offer her dad burnt toast and whatnot. No, she offered it with a full heart, knowing that she gave her best. Sometimes as we get older, we think that we have to be perfect before coming to God. That could not be further from the truth. He accepts you where you are at. He desires you to come to Him no matter where you stand. In fact, you won't begin to truly change until you come to Him as you are. Then He begins a work in you that He continues until completion and the day of Jesus.

So, come before Him, no matter where you stand. Let His presence settle over you and let Him love you just as you are. Don't worry about the rest. He'll work it out. He is patient and kind. He is the most loving person you'll ever know. Let Him send out a rolling laughter of love that fills the room when you offer Him what love and worship you have. You will feel His delight. There's nothing like it. Nothing that compares.

Threshing

Tonight at our prayer time the Lord really moved on some people to pray to be "crushed" and to have everything removed that should not be in their hearts. This may seem like a harsh prayer at first, but in reality it is a very beautiful and courageous prayer. One that will reap a tremendous amount of fruit, though it may be a catalyst for a time of hardship. It's a prayer that the Lord takes seriously.

A season for a threshing floor... there are seasons in our lives where we have to allow God to take down the walls and the "scaly" outer part so that He can get to the good stuff. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Threshing
It's a laborious and painful process, but during this time the Lord reveals himself as the great comforter. Through the beatings, the threshing, the pounding, the uprooting, the crushing...He is there. He is helping you along and freeing you.

I get an image of an oak tree that has vines around it--suffocating it. The vines have so deceptively woven their way into the branches of the tree, so much so that the tree believes that the vines are a part of it. The Lord begins to rip these vines out and the tree finds it to be painful. These vines that so "protected" the tree and even gave it identity had also been suffocating it, unbeknownst to the tree. So when the Lord starts ripping away, the tree finds it difficult to let go...and there is a grievance. There is a sort of loss. But as the tree begins to realize its freedom, the pain lessens. The tree begins to breathe fresh air and to see things differently. The tree realizes for the first time that those vines were really a source of death and not life. In the same way, we harbor things in our hearts that we think give us life but in reality they bring death. We have to let the Lord take them. He is the true provider of life. When we allow Him to rip out the vines, we begin to breathe anew and experience a healing and freedom never imagined.

I've also found that during the desert times, the Oak sends its roots down deeper in search for the water, and likewise, we are oaks of righteousness and during the desert we learn to send our roots deeper in search for the water of life. During this process we grow stronger and our foundation becomes even greater. In the desert our hunger for the Lord intensifies and we realize our desperate need for Him. When we are able to humble ourselves, in our weakness He is strong.

We all endure a breaking of some sort....the key is to make sure and set the bone properly so that it heals properly. When the bone is set properly then as it heals, the new fibers are actually growing back stronger than the original bone (or so a nurse once told me). After a brake and a healing, we are stronger and have a greater testimony to share.

Anyway, these are just a few thoughts....

Here is a short documentary on the traditional Threshing Floor:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=fDmciOFo7M4

A Taste of Heaven

Being among the mountains, something inside me comes alive that remains dormant until ignited by the beauty of God's creation. I can't quite place my finger on what it is that excites me about being in the mountains, but there is something very real that comes alive in me--that invigorates me and makes me feel more alive. Maybe it is the beauty and sheer majesty of God's creation. Something speaks to the depths of my soul.

Rushing river
leading to eternity
pushing forward with force and peace
justice right at it's feet
I call for you, my King
Fly me home
For this is just a taste
of the most beautiful place
Heaven is at hand
the Kingdom inside me, all around me
while I pass through
may I share with a few
the glory of your majesty
and the joy of knowing you, my Lord
what more could I ask for?
but to love and be loved

I would not say that I'm not alive when I'm away from the mountains-- it's just that God speaks to me in a different way when I am resting in solitude, surrounded by beauty. It's almost not tangible or explainable...it surpasses my ability to explain...kind of how you cannot explain the intimacy of a kiss without taking away from it's significance, I feel like I cannot adequately explain my experiences amidst God and His creation. Finding beauty in the world is something that God uses to minister to me and speak to me. While in Colorado, beauty is not hard to find. The grandeur of the mountains speaks to me about the power and strength of God. It's almost overwhelming, but I love to feel overwhelmed by God.

Being Fully Alive is Courageous

Something that I've been meditating on recently is the fact that to be fully alive, you are going to feel both pain and joy deeply. There is no way that you can experience the full intensity of joy unless you've felt the depths of grief and pain.

I can testify to this as I lived my life numb to emotion for years. It was not until these last five years that the Lord has allowed me to experience His love and the depths of what that encompasses. Until I began to deal with the pain of the past, there was no way that I could feel the pureness and great depth of His love.

I can understand why so many people walk around numb and half alive...it takes work to deal with the past. You must seek out healing and you must receive healing. So many people do not want to take the time to dive into their grief. Or they refuse to receive healing when it's offered. It's scary and seems overwhelming. However, I can assure you that in the end, you'll be better off.

Reading The Kite Runner on the plane to Colorado, one quote really stood out to me: "I became what I am today at the age of twelve, on a frigid overcast day in the winter of 1975. I remember the precise moment, crouching behind a crumbling mud wall, peeking into the alley near the frozen creek. That was a long time ago, but it’s wrong what they say about the past, I’ve learned, about how you can bury it. Because the past claws its way out. Looking back now, I realize I have been peeking into that deserted alley for the last twenty-six years."

This can be seen in so many people and I can even see it in myself on occasion when the Lord brings something else up that I haven't dealt with. We must constantly be allowing God to renew us and heal us and carry us forward. I always say this, but I'll say it again: it's a process. It is written, "Above all else guard your heart for it is the well-spring of life." I will say confidently that most people do not live by that or take it seriously. We must take care of ourselves and allow God to tend to our hearts.

So many walk around half alive. I believe this is for several reasons: Either they do not realize it (as I did not when I was numb). They are too afraid to face the past. They are afraid of feeling love deeply for fear of being hurt. They are afraid to experience true joy and love because in order to feel the good they also open themselves up to feeling pain deeply. Some have been so hurt that they have locked themselves inside their own defenses. There are probably other reasons--these are just ones that I can articulate at the moment.

I believe that it takes true courage to feel love and pain deeply. Jesus, himself, did this. He grieved death and betrayal; He experienced and knew the Father's love to such a depth that He could give His life and be secure in the hands of His Father. He loves deeply regardless of the risk that He takes in being hurt for not being loved in return. He loves without fear.

To face the pain is being courageous and fully alive. To love without condition is being fully alive. To receive love without a filter or defense is being fully alive. I want to love like Jesus loves. I want to love like the Father loves. And I want to receive that love.

Not dealing with the past and the pain keeps you numb and does not allow for one to be fully alive. Rather, it is just coping and passing through. Being numb robs you of the Life God has offered you. God calls us to be a people who love as He does and experience true Life and freedom. If we are in so much bondage that we can't receive His love then how can we love others?

Sober Minded and Moving Forward to South Korea

Life is full of change and change is hard. We as humans love to be secure and comfortable. And I'd even beg to say that women are even more so wired to need security. This path of life always seems to bring uncertainties and winding roads.

After spending six days in Colorado and saying goodbye to some dear friends, the reality of South Korea began to stair me in the face. The excitement of this adventure some how transformed to fear and anxiety, sadness and a very sober minded view of what I'm about to do. I feel as though the Lord is reminding me of His great love and how much He desires my affections. He wants me to trust Him in that He loves me enough to take care of me even in the desert--that He will make my way in this place.

I began to doubt and possibly even regret my decision to go to South Korea, but the Lord has gently been reaffirming that decision. Yes, I made the decision, but the Lord has helped to lead me in making the decision. I have to remember that.

A friend of mine reminded me that anything we do should only be drawing us more into the love and peace of God. We should not be doing anything that is taking us further from the love of God. So in regards to South Korea, I have to receive the love that the Lord is offering. He is extending His hand to me and wants to carry me through this new season.

Another friend of mine was praying for me and had the image of the Red Sea parting. She explained, "God paves the way. He creates a path and takes you down a path that you and no one else can see. Just like the Israelites couldn't see the path that the Lord was taking them on, and then He parted the Red Sea and led them onward. The same is for you in going to South Korea. You may feel like you are blind right now but He has your hand and He is leading you down a path that only He can see."

This same friend gave me Psalm 16 which is the scripture the Lord gave me two months ago for South Korea. He is desiring me to be secure in Him alone. He is my security and nothing else will provide me with what I truly need.

I honestly believe that this trip to South Korea is crafted in teaching me more about faith and depending on God. When we remain in comfort and security then we are not as likely to step out in faith. We have a propensity to stay comfortable. But when we are put in places of unfamiliarity, then we have no choice but to call out on God and believe Him for our protection and security. This is a life lesson that I believe we all learn over and over again every time the tide goes out and then returns. The changing seasons naturally create an atmosphere for increased faith.

In my weakness He is strong. Through my tears He comforts me. In my fog He leads me.

Thank you, Lord, that You have my hand. May I never let go!

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Psalm 16
A miktam of David.
1 Keep me safe, O God,
for in you I take refuge.

2 I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord;
apart from you I have no good thing."

3 As for the saints who are in the land,
they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight.

4 The sorrows of those will increase
who run after other gods.
I will not pour out their libations of blood
or take up their names on my lips.

5 LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.

6 The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.

7 I will praise the LORD, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.

8 I have set the LORD always before me.
Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.

9 Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,

10 because you will not abandon me to the grave,
nor will you let your Holy One see decay.

11 You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.