"Refrain of Hope"

...so here's a song i wrote today...maybe i'll get it recorded soon. i actually have music to this one...it's my first!

Okay, so let me explain this picture b/c i know it's kind of weird. Basically, after seeing "Across the Universe" I was inspired by the big strawberry. I wanted to depict the sweetness of life along with the deep melody of sorrow that we all hear in life. The strawberry weeps...images of life surround and really, it's just a simple and nostalgic scene. (some of the images i got from one of jolie holland's music videos). also, i put these pictures on here b/c they go along with the lyrics to the song that i wrote.

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"Refrain of Hope"

there was a girl
she was so sad
poured coffee in the morning
tea in the afternoon
whiskey by the evening

there was a man
he was so sad
so he sang a song
heartbroken and alone
he sang his tears away

there was a child
she was so sad
grew up in a home
so violent and cold
bound for the streets was she

there was a world
it was so sad
filled with weeping
so it sang of mourning
and hope was its refrain

so it sang of mourning
and hope was its refrain

God is the Mechanic

Okay, so this is a much overdue testimony...

In about February of 2006 the cd player in my car went out...you can read the post from this experience:

http://dewheat.blogspot.com/2006/04/broken-cd-player.html

Okay, if you want proof and for the story to be cool, then you kind of have to read that post. So don't read on unless you've read the blog post.

During the first weeks of silence I debated whether to replace the cd player or not, but I simply did not have the money. I looked at Best Buy and was so close to buying one but felt that I was not supposed to. I asked about fixing broken cd players. The guy said that it'd be better to buy a new one or just try cleaning the old one, but he also said that usually once the manufacturer's cd player craps out there's no hope. I pouted then kept the silence.

That Spring of 2006 the Lord was delivering me from depression and taking me into a greater depth of joy with Him. (I even had Sarah Brown living at my house, and anyone who knows her knows that she carries the joy of the Lord and it just exudes from her!). I had been listening to a lot of music that was not uplifting to my spirit and a part of me felt that the Lord took it away as punishment. I soon found that it was more of a blessing and not a punishment--He was using this time while showing me to be careful of what I feed myself.

Since that semester I have had a freedom from depression that I can only contribute to my Father. He is a good Dad and has brought great healing and freedom in my life. He has been allowing me to go deeper in my walk and understand more of how to connect with His Holy Spirit. These times in my car of silence have been some pivotal times to say the least. I have needed these hours and hours of silence to tune my ear in to God and not some radio station or cd.

Well, this last semester in the midst of my student teaching, I began desiring my music. I am a worshiper and love to worship through music. Naturally, I desire to listen to worship in the morning before I walk in the door with 19 students. A time to prepare and let the Lord minister to me.

One morning in October (I believe--I'd have to check my journal), I woke and Nicole also had an early morning that day. We were listening to some Enter the Worship Circle and I just kind of made a comment such as, "Man, I wish I could listen to this in my car before work!"
Nicole, with a confused look, said, "You can."

"No I can't," I replied almost defensively.

Again, confused and more determined, "Yes you can. Why can't you?"

"My cd player doesn't work..."

Even more confused, "What are you talking about? I listened to cds all summer while I used your car when you were in Dominican."

"What?!!!"

"Yah, I promise, it works!"

"It can't work, I just tried it the other day. I try it every now and then just for kicks and it never works. That's even why I don't like taking my car on road trips. No music. God have you been holdin' out on me?! haha"

"You should go out and try it," Nicole prompted, as she handed me a cd.

"Man, if this works then I'm going to yell and I don't care who's sleeping at this hour!"

I walked out to my car, asking God to please restore my cd player. I prayed over my car and even promised only to play worship music from now on. seriously.

I put the keys in the ignition and popped in the Enter the Worship Circle cd...sure enough, music came sounding out of the speakers and a loud yell came from my mouth! No joke, I was floored! God is the true mechanic.

God took me through that season. It was most certainly a season He planned and created. Nicole, not knowing my cd player was broken, listened contently to her cds for an entire month...all the while, it remained broken for me. God, you are funny.

We must ebb and flow with the Spirit and let Jesus work on us however He wishes. You never know what crazy things He's going to do to bring you into a deeper walk with Him. He might just take away your cd player...haha...more than likely, it'll be something you least expect. Go with it and let Him give you deeper revelation of Himself.

I wouldn't say that my season of silence is over--in fact, we can even choose that season sometimes. It's in the silence that I hear His voice the clearest.

Lord, teach me to listen better...give me ears to hear and a heart to understand...eyes to see and a mind to believe. Selah!

Shadowfax...it's a good car to me...and the Lord is even greater!

A Poet's Hand, Rambling

Rambling tonight...

"You are my daughters. I love you. You have asked great things," said the Lord. I heard this after an amazing prayer time with my friend Christina.

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I long for you at night
as the caged bird longs to fly.
There's a freedom between us that ignites
and the moon sings just for us.
We'll soar through this night.

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There's a mingling in my heart
Love speaks loudly
Truth concurs with love and reconciles wounds to itself
War rages on but peace marches in
Scars become nothing more than testimonies
Ointment smooths itself over the wounds
Soothing to my heart
Lathered up in truth and love
Only His touch heals
His hand alone restores
My heart rests soundly with Him

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There's something so beautiful about the tree lines in a winter sky. There's almost a gray glaze or fog that settles ever so peacefully. Crisp air and the sharpness of cold winds invigorate... Melancholy pushes through with each outline of barren trees silhouetted by the dimmed lighting. Open field bordered by a trim of restful trees.

Seasons. I long for seasons. In Texas we do not have the joy of experiencing the changing seasons. Being up North has been refreshing to say the least.

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In time, Your desires and dreams become mine.

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Your words must be gentle, your touch with pursuit. Behind this face lies a tender heart accustomed to pain. Strong I've become, broken I am. Put together once again by Christ and rendered anew. Let your words be like honey--a taste so sweet. Let your love be like milk--nourishing and pure. I am a lover, no doubt, desiring to love and be loved.

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I wrote this awhile ago, about no one in particular--but rather a longing that most all of us can identify with--a longing to love and find the one for us. We all experience these feelings--in the end, the Lord must be our rock and number one lover. When the Lord graces us with a companion, we must realize that we've been given a great gift to cherish and love deeply. That I do long for. Until then, I wait.


What am I to you,
just a face in the crowd?
Shifting eyes and retracted speech,
am I eyes you desire to meet?

My mind ponders your movements,
longing to know the depth beyond.
My heart awaits the day--
the day to love recklessly,
abandoned and free.
Why must time pass with no speed?

Patience has forsaken me.
Indeed, my soul cries to love.
A daily surrender, these feelings.
Grace to a longing heart, my Lord.

Why your thoughtful ways?
Why your strength and confidence?
Why your handsome smile and sincere eyes?
Why adventure at your feet?
And wisdom beyond measure?
O, why?

Lord, he is your's, all your's.
Handcrafted and sculpted...
He is your's.
O Lord, will you share him with me?
Open palms is how we must hold the ones we love.

Be the strength of my heart, Lord.
Still my heart.
Keep my heart at bay.

Be the match-maker, Lord.
Weave my story;
you are the author.
Guard my heart.
Protect me.
Orchestrate everything,
so beautifully as you do.

I surrender.
He is your's.
I am your's.

O, and you are mine!

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