Vagabond with Roots and Purpose

Leaning out the window, rain water drips down wetting the back of my hands. My eyes turn upward to see the overcast sky and a gentle downpour. My gaze ventures down five stories again and a traffic line of floating umbrellas pass by in a most graceful manner. I can only imagine the faces underneath the moving shelter.

Sighing, I turn inward again, now inhaling a breath of air tainted by cigarette smoke. I begin dreading the thought of having to be bound in this hotel all day due to rain. Instead, Tara and I gear up to face the rain. To my surprise, the rain did not keep Koreans bound to their homes. The streets are filled with people as well as the malls crawling with shopping addicts. To a country that experiences a rainy season every year, the rain poses no threat. The people have become accustomed to it and bare the rain with no hesitancy. Women in heals, skirts, and plush purses...men in nice pants. The rain makes no difference to the locals. Tara and I are quite impressed.

Dropping off my key at the front desk and heading for the elevator, the man at the desk kindly motions to me that it is raining. I nod and point to my rain jacket, putting the hood over my head. He motions to wait and then comes back with an umbrella which he offers to me. I can not believe his generosity. It challenges me as I wonder if I would have done the same thing had I been in his shoes. Knowing that I probably wouldn't have, I am a little embarrassed and reluctant to accept his offer, but I graciously accept and thank him with a slight smile and bow. I suppose I have no idea how to really say thank you, as I can not even remember how to say thank you in Korean. This language is so foreign to me--nothing sounds familiar. Mulling over this simple act, I find that such experiences tend to alter my mindset and open my eyes to a way of living that is foreign to me and yet should be familiar.

Looking into another culture can some how strangely be like looking into a mirror, as you begin to see things about yourself that were hidden to you before but now stand out like a sore thumb. You begin to see the markings of your culture over your personality and character...the experiences of your culture that have helped form you...these little indentions all over. These things look at you with a most powerful gaze and some how they were hidden, only to be recognized once outside the bounds of their own origin.

Another day in Asia, and I can barely grasp the reality that I am 6,000 miles from a place I call home. Transition here seems to be smooth for several reasons. One being that Korea is far more developed than the Latin American countries I have lived in previously; my job requires me to speak English all day long (which I have correlated my homesickness with the expanse of my language barrier on many occasions); I've had Tara to experience and process everything with; and God has really been a covering for me--orchestrating everything and leading me this whole time.

I wonder how I will feel several months from now. Regardless, I am enjoying the newness of everything and feeding the hunger I have for adventure, culture, and travel. It's like a sickness. A bug that you are born with that does not go away. It can only be satiated by the adventure itself, no matter how short or close to home the trip may be. A mere weekend excursion, a road trip across the country, or a one-way flight to Asia as in this case.

People such as myself must realize that roots and having an anchor are good and to be desired. Being a vagabond is not necessarily the answer to such deep hungers. There is something real about needing to have the Lord settle your wandering soul. In the end, it's not about all the places you've traveled or ventured to, but rather the places of your heart that have been uncovered and shared, the people you've encountered, the intimacy you've experienced with the Lord, and His love that is shared along the way.

In a post-modern culture that thrives on experience, I'm afraid I'm a walking product of the scene. My only desire is that I seek the Lord over my hunger for adventure and experience. I want to be one who only experiences things as the Lord calls--that I would not be so concerned with an experience as I am with the purposes of the Lord. I want to be subject to the requirements of the King.

Adventure in itself can become an idol when it is placed above our relationship with the Lord. I find that a relationship with the Lord usually takes you on adventures and is an adventure in and of itself. Perhaps the adventures depend upon the person and personality or perhaps not. I can see those faithfuls who have been loyal to one community their entire lives and have no desire to venture out. I admire their stability and roots. I also see those who have the roots but also venture out from time to time.Admirable as well.

No matter-- I have a traveling shelter and security in the Lord. Where I am there I am and He is in me and surrounding me. As long as my roots are deeply planted in Him... because in the end, we are just passing through--but with purpose.

I've Arrived!

Monday, July 14, 2008

After 16 hours of flying time and more hours in the airport, and an hour's drive through the mountains....I am finally here in Bundang, South Korea! It's about 9pm here or 7am Texas time. I already have a full schedule for tomorrow, including a teacher's meeting! Tara and I are hoping that we won't be falling asleep!

There is a two week overlap with the teachers leaving, so until they are gone, Tara and I are temporarily staying in a hotel. It's not so bad but not what we expected. So no settling down in our studio apartments just yet....But any time you travel, you learn that being flexible is the best thing to be! So, I will continue living out of a suitcase with a smile =) Thankfully there is internet in our rooms and an AC unit because the weather here is not much different from Houston--hot and humid! Ha!

The visibility is very poor with all the fog...but it makes the mountains look beautiful as they are silhouetted through a dimmed haze. They are lush with lots of vegetation--it reminds me of the rolling hills in Costa Rica. Of course, down in the city I am among neon signs, swarms of people, and tall buildings...just like you imagine.

Just a Thought

We all here the cliche, o he's a "half-full" kind of guy or she's a "half-empty" kind of girl... somehow we say that our personality is either optimistic or pessimistic. I kind of believe that it has to do with character. I mean think about it: what are the fruits of the spirit? what were the words of Jesus like?

I would have to say that I don't believe it's fair to use your personality as an excuse to say that you're a pessimist. Instead, I think that it's an issue of renewing your mind and changing the way you think. I can say this because in my flesh I am naturally negative and see the bad side of things. However, I make a conscious effort to change the way I think and try to see things how God would see them. This does not mean that everything is always rose colored. No, but it does mean that I am searching for the hand of God in every situation. This is something that you can practice. You can choose the thoughts that you will dwell on. You can choose to worry about the worst possible situation or you can pray for the best outcome. You can dwell on the negative or you can contend for the positive as the Lord takes you through the dirt.

Or even in day to day living-- think about the things that upset you or cause you to have negative thoughts. The guy cut you off, you ran out of bread, you were offended by what he said, you stubbed your toe, you had to wait in a long line, your computer is running slow, you spilled your coke... Little things. But those little things add up. And pretty soon you're so negative that no one can stand being around you. I have people like this in my life and they are no fun to be around for sure.

Anyway, I'm not perfect at being positive all the time and I find myself complaining too, but we can at least make a concerted effort to change the way we think and perceive situations. With enough practice it becomes habit and the way we naturally function. Just like any other habit you try to change, transforming your thoughts takes practice and sometimes great effort and even concentration. Before you know it, the Lord is changing how you think and the Holy Spirit is giving you better thoughts.

We want to be givers of life, not death.

Something else that kind of goes along with this: David Grotheim taught me a value and practice that I hold onto-- "Always think the best of someone." This is so vital. I cannot tell you how much it has changed the way I see other people and even how much trouble this "simple" (I quote it because it takes a lot to change your thought patterns in this area) practice saves you. When you are one, able to stop being so concerned about what others think of you and their motives, then it frees you a lot. And two, when you can think the best of the other person, it saves you from cursing them with your thoughts and words as well as judging them for something that you don't even know is true or not. Plus, a lot of times, the person is not malicious and isn't out to get you like you think (although there are those rare occasions). But for the most part, people aren't out to get you and you don't have to always think the worst of them. If you can't see the whole picture then don't fill it in with your negative thoughts of that person. Even if the person has some flaws (b/c we all do), try to see the best in them and see them how God does. I assure you God doesn't think the malicious thoughts that we sometimes have of other people. Maybe David could explain it better.

Well, them's my two cents for what it's worth. The end.

Remembering Tomatoes

"There are some things that you will never outgrow."

-----------------/-------{@

Arriving at my Granny's house, she geared up to spend some quality time with me. This of course meant that we would have our traditional pizza from Pizza Hut, we would sit on the back porch and talk over coffee, and ....she had purposefully left some ripe tomatoes on her plant for me to pick. She had already harvested a few but then she knew that I would be delighted to go outside to her garden (which in all sincerity is only a few flower pots on the back porch) and pick the red tomatoes. She was so thrilled and could not wait for me to remember the days of old...as my sister and I used to love going out to her garden and pick mint leaves for our tea, okra "boats" for out bath toys (that's another story), and cherry tomatoes to eat! On some occasions she even had squash or watermelon.

So, she took me outside and showed me her plump reds...and I proudly picked them for her in remembrance of all the memories we have made together over the years. She laughed, and said whole heartedly, "There are some things that you will never outgrow."

I believe this with my all my heart. What fun is life if you outgrow everything you loved from childhood? =P

In Your Blood, LIVE!

[Dedicated to those who have experienced the abuses of the enemy as well as other people]

A darker entry, but one of declaration of freedom and liberation from the affairs of the enemy (and people that the enemy uses against you)...

Sometimes you just have to declare the truth outloud and claim the freedom that Jesus has already bought for us.

// Your words have been bitter and cold and I cannot afford to receive anymore of them, and I choose not to receive your criticisms that only lead to the destruction of a soul. I ask the Lord to release me from your grip and the death that comes with your words. I let go of the things that have been spoken over me and I find solace in the love that the Lord has for me. I refuse to believe the lies and hatred that you have spoken over me. My Lord rebukes in love but you criticize and judge out of bitterness and hurt. It spills out of you like venom and I will not let it poison me anymore. I receive only life from the Lord and choose life and freedom.

I plea for His mercy as I know that His kindness is what has drawn me to repentance and continues to. I am broken and know my need for Him. In times of suffering, He pulls me close to His chest, that I may breathe in sync with Him. He is taking me to a deeper romance as He is entrusting a greater understanding of His pains and suffering by means of my own suffering. He is making beauty from ashes.

I refuse to take the sting of your sin and your hatred bubbling out of you. I repel your words that sear and destroy a soul. I receive only the life that the Lord offers me. I receive His freedom. I will no longer be bound in your entanglement of lies, insecurities, wounds, and venom. I will not fall a fool of your mockery. I will not become a puppet you control. I will not let your thoughts become mine. I will not become in the image of you but only of my God. I will not let your bitterness creep into my heart. I will not let my anger rage on past sunset. I will choose to forgive. I will not be clothed in your lies, but my Lord will clothe me with fine linen and silk. I will no longer eat your poison but I will taste of sweet honey from my Lord.

I will rest in the arms of my Lord. He knows my heart and He knows my love for Him. Your thougths about my heart and soul are of no concern to me for they are mere thoughts. But my Lord KNOWS me and my heart. He KNOWS me. I find solace in that. He KNOWS me and LOVES me. His grace is sufficient and He delivers me from trouble. He delivers me from your lies and your harsh words. He delivers me from even your thoughts and accusations. I am free in Him. I am FREE. Like a battered woman whose just realized her abuse and that she is deserving of better treatment, I stumble out verbally beaten, and I realize that I need better treatment. I realize that the Lord held my hand as I desperately stepped into the light. He whispered His love. He held me until I cried and then He held me through my tears. Then He wiped them away and said, "In your blood, LIVE! I said in your blood, LIVE!" //

Please declare this for yourself if need be. I can almost garuntee that everyone experiences the abuses of the enemy to some degree and sadly, the abuses of others as an effect of sin. Receive your freedom and declare it on a mountain top!