Hold On and Obey God

A journal entry from January:

Meeting a woman of God during a tragic event can change your life.

In light of the circumstances, I was blessed and challenged to see this woman of God offering so much to people she had only just met. With the recent loss of her son, I cannot imagine what she must have been feeling.

I do know, she had the presence of God settling over her with such an impact that it touched me to stand only a few feet from her. She spoke to us with pure grace and conviction... a woman who knows the Lord in and out... who's holding on no matter what. She grabbed my arm, looked me straight in the eyes and said through tears:

"The one thing I can tell you is to always obey God. No matter what--always obey God. And I'll tell you, God is going to take you through some hard things, but you obey God. He doesn't build bridges over things or dig trenches under them. He walks you through them, but you hold on and obey. People might think you're crazy for what you're doing, but if God tells you to do it, you better obey Him. You cry out to God--get in a place where you are alone with God and you cry out to Him. And you obey Him."

I don't think I've ever met a more courageous woman. I can understand now why her son was so passionate for God. Her words seared my heart forever.

May we always be steadfast, Lord. Always.

"I Have Found"...the Freedom Train

This is a post from May 11th:


"I Have Found" by: Kim Walker (Jesus Culture)

//I have found a peace
that plows on through the storm
I have found a joy
that jumps over sadness
I have found a love
that lights up every room
I have found
I found you

You are all I want
You are all I need
Everything my heart could hope for
We are longing for
the glory of the Lord
Because we know
there's so much more

I have found a trust
that teaches how to rest
I have a grace
that guides me by the hand
I have found a strength
that stands like a mountain
And I have found
I found You

Only you...//

This weekend Erin, Michelle and I went to the JesusCulture Conference in the Dallas/Ft Worth area and the team from Bethel at Redding, CA came along with Bill Johnson and Cindy Jacobs. These are the lyrics to one of the songs that we sang and professed...I highly recommend any of the jesusculture cds!

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Revival is happening and it is so exciting to be a part of-- that God uses His people! I am continually amazed by God's glory and power when displayed...I never want to stop being in awe of God and what He is doing worldwide!

You always hear of miracles happening but when you actually witness it, it's just absolutely amazing... the first night that we were there about 200 people were healed from some kind of aliment, whether it was a a deaf ear opening or a hurt ankle becoming pain free and healed.... there was one man that during the teaching, the glory of the Lord settled in the room and by the end he could hear 100%! There was another girl that had a leg that was badly injured from playing sports and her leg got really hot and she started screaming and jumping up and down because God healed her leg. There are so many stories...I could go on and on...

Maybe it's hard for some to believe this, whether they don't believe in God or they don't believe in the active gifts of the holy spirit, but I can testify that I've seen and experienced the power of God. He is alive! Jesus is risen and God's glory is consuming the earth! It is time to align yourself with what he's doing!

During some of the break-out sessions there was a session on "Words of Knowledge"...I did not go to this one but Michelle and Erin did. Well, my session got out early so I went into the main auditorium and sat in the back. There were several people on stage giving their words of knowledge that the Lord gave them. The speaker joked, "Here they all come (us from the other session) and they're going to benefit from our session." I laughed...

About the third person down the row to share said, "So this is crazily specific. I saw a clear picture. I saw clouds and then out of the clouds a train started coming. The train came out of the clouds and on the train the word 'Freedom' was written on the side." I suddenly felt a shock go through my body. Then he continued, "And there is a girl riding on the train named Diane." I freaked out a little. I sunk down in my chair a little...looking around for someone else to claim this...surely, out of a conference of 900 people someone else would speak up. No one fessed up...Then I looked down and Michelle and Erin were frantically looking around for me. They asked, "Does this mean anything to anyone?" As no one else raised her hand, I slowly raised mine. I could not believe that God would call me out like that! That has never happened publicly before!


Well, the more I meditated on this word and vision, I knew it was for me. The last four or five years of my life the Lord has been taking me on a journey of freedom and healing...and even that very morning I was wrestling with the Lord and asking him to set me completely free. He has not only set me free but he wanted to proclaim it and profess my freedom to me before everyone! All I had to do was accept his proposal for freedom! It was the sweetest experience... All weekend I was the "freedom train girl" and didn't even have to introduce my name... haha--it was kind of embarrassing, but rocking cool too!

I am sharing this testimony because I want others to jump on the freedom train and claim their freedom in Jesus Christ! There's room for everyone! You can leave your past behind...He will heal every wound...just jump on the train that's ushering in the Kingdom! Jesus is so good...

The saddest thing to me is when I see believers in bondage....Jesus offers so much freedom...all you have to do is receive it! Let Him dig up the roots of lies and wounds and replant the truth and His love.

Burnt Toast, Egg Shells and Coffee Grinds

Sizzling in the pan, eggs began to cook as a little girl's hand took the spatula and did her best cook breakfast for Dad while making a mess in the kitchen. Only eight, she tried to remember how mommy always did it. First you got to crack the eggs, but that turned out to be a lot harder than she thought. When they wouldn't crack properly she just used her hand to finish the job, not noticing the bits of egg shell that fell in. She beat the eggs with a fork and somehow managed to get them in the pan with only a little bit of soupy egg spilling out.

So proud. She grinned cheek to cheek. Today was a special day for Dad, and she wanted to make it even more special for him.

She popped a slice of bread into the toaster, turning the heat setting like mom always did-- only she didn't know what it did. She just knew that mommy turned it. Somehow, her toast turned out a lot blacker than mommy's. Maybe Dad would like it that way, she thought.

Ahhaa! Coffee! Dad drinks coffee. She searched the pantry up and down until she found Folger's Coffee. She'd seen her Dad do this before. It's simple. You get a filter and put some coffee grinds in there. A few scoops of that should do the trick. She poured water into the coffee maker, and all over the floor in the process.

A plate of eggs, burnt toast, and a cup of the blackest coffee you'd ever seen, she geared up to show her masterpiece to her father. Mom and Dad were just beginning to wake, as they probably smelled the remnants of coffee and burning toast...she knocked and then came in with a show. Happy Father's Day, Dad!

He could not have been more delighted. He smiled and with his deep, rolling laugh began to dote on his daughter. She beamed. As he sipped his bitter, black coffee, he could not help but chuckle, "How much coffee did you put in there, Dyanne?"
"I did it just like you, Dad."

I don't think he had it in his heart to mention the egg shells in his eggs or the burnt toast. But he didn't mind because it was my best offering of love I could give to him.

Thinking back on that memory, I could not help but laugh out loud and smile as I realized that that is how God views us. We blunder often (not even realizing it) and even when we are offering Him our best, it is still tainted with egg shells and coffee grinds. But He knows our hearts. He sees our hearts and our intentions. I have to remember that as I cannot be and never will be perfect. I can strive for holiness, and seek Him, but I will always be human and need the all-encompassing grace that Jesus offers.

Thank you, Jesus, for your grace and love. Thank you, Father, for your love and delight in us!

The other thing that I noticed was that that eight year old Dyanne was not ashamed to offer her dad burnt toast and whatnot. No, she offered it with a full heart, knowing that she gave her best. Sometimes as we get older, we think that we have to be perfect before coming to God. That could not be further from the truth. He accepts you where you are at. He desires you to come to Him no matter where you stand. In fact, you won't begin to truly change until you come to Him as you are. Then He begins a work in you that He continues until completion and the day of Jesus.

So, come before Him, no matter where you stand. Let His presence settle over you and let Him love you just as you are. Don't worry about the rest. He'll work it out. He is patient and kind. He is the most loving person you'll ever know. Let Him send out a rolling laughter of love that fills the room when you offer Him what love and worship you have. You will feel His delight. There's nothing like it. Nothing that compares.

Threshing

Tonight at our prayer time the Lord really moved on some people to pray to be "crushed" and to have everything removed that should not be in their hearts. This may seem like a harsh prayer at first, but in reality it is a very beautiful and courageous prayer. One that will reap a tremendous amount of fruit, though it may be a catalyst for a time of hardship. It's a prayer that the Lord takes seriously.

A season for a threshing floor... there are seasons in our lives where we have to allow God to take down the walls and the "scaly" outer part so that He can get to the good stuff. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Threshing
It's a laborious and painful process, but during this time the Lord reveals himself as the great comforter. Through the beatings, the threshing, the pounding, the uprooting, the crushing...He is there. He is helping you along and freeing you.

I get an image of an oak tree that has vines around it--suffocating it. The vines have so deceptively woven their way into the branches of the tree, so much so that the tree believes that the vines are a part of it. The Lord begins to rip these vines out and the tree finds it to be painful. These vines that so "protected" the tree and even gave it identity had also been suffocating it, unbeknownst to the tree. So when the Lord starts ripping away, the tree finds it difficult to let go...and there is a grievance. There is a sort of loss. But as the tree begins to realize its freedom, the pain lessens. The tree begins to breathe fresh air and to see things differently. The tree realizes for the first time that those vines were really a source of death and not life. In the same way, we harbor things in our hearts that we think give us life but in reality they bring death. We have to let the Lord take them. He is the true provider of life. When we allow Him to rip out the vines, we begin to breathe anew and experience a healing and freedom never imagined.

I've also found that during the desert times, the Oak sends its roots down deeper in search for the water, and likewise, we are oaks of righteousness and during the desert we learn to send our roots deeper in search for the water of life. During this process we grow stronger and our foundation becomes even greater. In the desert our hunger for the Lord intensifies and we realize our desperate need for Him. When we are able to humble ourselves, in our weakness He is strong.

We all endure a breaking of some sort....the key is to make sure and set the bone properly so that it heals properly. When the bone is set properly then as it heals, the new fibers are actually growing back stronger than the original bone (or so a nurse once told me). After a brake and a healing, we are stronger and have a greater testimony to share.

Anyway, these are just a few thoughts....

Here is a short documentary on the traditional Threshing Floor:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=fDmciOFo7M4

A Taste of Heaven

Being among the mountains, something inside me comes alive that remains dormant until ignited by the beauty of God's creation. I can't quite place my finger on what it is that excites me about being in the mountains, but there is something very real that comes alive in me--that invigorates me and makes me feel more alive. Maybe it is the beauty and sheer majesty of God's creation. Something speaks to the depths of my soul.

Rushing river
leading to eternity
pushing forward with force and peace
justice right at it's feet
I call for you, my King
Fly me home
For this is just a taste
of the most beautiful place
Heaven is at hand
the Kingdom inside me, all around me
while I pass through
may I share with a few
the glory of your majesty
and the joy of knowing you, my Lord
what more could I ask for?
but to love and be loved

I would not say that I'm not alive when I'm away from the mountains-- it's just that God speaks to me in a different way when I am resting in solitude, surrounded by beauty. It's almost not tangible or explainable...it surpasses my ability to explain...kind of how you cannot explain the intimacy of a kiss without taking away from it's significance, I feel like I cannot adequately explain my experiences amidst God and His creation. Finding beauty in the world is something that God uses to minister to me and speak to me. While in Colorado, beauty is not hard to find. The grandeur of the mountains speaks to me about the power and strength of God. It's almost overwhelming, but I love to feel overwhelmed by God.

Being Fully Alive is Courageous

Something that I've been meditating on recently is the fact that to be fully alive, you are going to feel both pain and joy deeply. There is no way that you can experience the full intensity of joy unless you've felt the depths of grief and pain.

I can testify to this as I lived my life numb to emotion for years. It was not until these last five years that the Lord has allowed me to experience His love and the depths of what that encompasses. Until I began to deal with the pain of the past, there was no way that I could feel the pureness and great depth of His love.

I can understand why so many people walk around numb and half alive...it takes work to deal with the past. You must seek out healing and you must receive healing. So many people do not want to take the time to dive into their grief. Or they refuse to receive healing when it's offered. It's scary and seems overwhelming. However, I can assure you that in the end, you'll be better off.

Reading The Kite Runner on the plane to Colorado, one quote really stood out to me: "I became what I am today at the age of twelve, on a frigid overcast day in the winter of 1975. I remember the precise moment, crouching behind a crumbling mud wall, peeking into the alley near the frozen creek. That was a long time ago, but it’s wrong what they say about the past, I’ve learned, about how you can bury it. Because the past claws its way out. Looking back now, I realize I have been peeking into that deserted alley for the last twenty-six years."

This can be seen in so many people and I can even see it in myself on occasion when the Lord brings something else up that I haven't dealt with. We must constantly be allowing God to renew us and heal us and carry us forward. I always say this, but I'll say it again: it's a process. It is written, "Above all else guard your heart for it is the well-spring of life." I will say confidently that most people do not live by that or take it seriously. We must take care of ourselves and allow God to tend to our hearts.

So many walk around half alive. I believe this is for several reasons: Either they do not realize it (as I did not when I was numb). They are too afraid to face the past. They are afraid of feeling love deeply for fear of being hurt. They are afraid to experience true joy and love because in order to feel the good they also open themselves up to feeling pain deeply. Some have been so hurt that they have locked themselves inside their own defenses. There are probably other reasons--these are just ones that I can articulate at the moment.

I believe that it takes true courage to feel love and pain deeply. Jesus, himself, did this. He grieved death and betrayal; He experienced and knew the Father's love to such a depth that He could give His life and be secure in the hands of His Father. He loves deeply regardless of the risk that He takes in being hurt for not being loved in return. He loves without fear.

To face the pain is being courageous and fully alive. To love without condition is being fully alive. To receive love without a filter or defense is being fully alive. I want to love like Jesus loves. I want to love like the Father loves. And I want to receive that love.

Not dealing with the past and the pain keeps you numb and does not allow for one to be fully alive. Rather, it is just coping and passing through. Being numb robs you of the Life God has offered you. God calls us to be a people who love as He does and experience true Life and freedom. If we are in so much bondage that we can't receive His love then how can we love others?

Sober Minded and Moving Forward to South Korea

Life is full of change and change is hard. We as humans love to be secure and comfortable. And I'd even beg to say that women are even more so wired to need security. This path of life always seems to bring uncertainties and winding roads.

After spending six days in Colorado and saying goodbye to some dear friends, the reality of South Korea began to stair me in the face. The excitement of this adventure some how transformed to fear and anxiety, sadness and a very sober minded view of what I'm about to do. I feel as though the Lord is reminding me of His great love and how much He desires my affections. He wants me to trust Him in that He loves me enough to take care of me even in the desert--that He will make my way in this place.

I began to doubt and possibly even regret my decision to go to South Korea, but the Lord has gently been reaffirming that decision. Yes, I made the decision, but the Lord has helped to lead me in making the decision. I have to remember that.

A friend of mine reminded me that anything we do should only be drawing us more into the love and peace of God. We should not be doing anything that is taking us further from the love of God. So in regards to South Korea, I have to receive the love that the Lord is offering. He is extending His hand to me and wants to carry me through this new season.

Another friend of mine was praying for me and had the image of the Red Sea parting. She explained, "God paves the way. He creates a path and takes you down a path that you and no one else can see. Just like the Israelites couldn't see the path that the Lord was taking them on, and then He parted the Red Sea and led them onward. The same is for you in going to South Korea. You may feel like you are blind right now but He has your hand and He is leading you down a path that only He can see."

This same friend gave me Psalm 16 which is the scripture the Lord gave me two months ago for South Korea. He is desiring me to be secure in Him alone. He is my security and nothing else will provide me with what I truly need.

I honestly believe that this trip to South Korea is crafted in teaching me more about faith and depending on God. When we remain in comfort and security then we are not as likely to step out in faith. We have a propensity to stay comfortable. But when we are put in places of unfamiliarity, then we have no choice but to call out on God and believe Him for our protection and security. This is a life lesson that I believe we all learn over and over again every time the tide goes out and then returns. The changing seasons naturally create an atmosphere for increased faith.

In my weakness He is strong. Through my tears He comforts me. In my fog He leads me.

Thank you, Lord, that You have my hand. May I never let go!

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Psalm 16
A miktam of David.
1 Keep me safe, O God,
for in you I take refuge.

2 I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord;
apart from you I have no good thing."

3 As for the saints who are in the land,
they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight.

4 The sorrows of those will increase
who run after other gods.
I will not pour out their libations of blood
or take up their names on my lips.

5 LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.

6 The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.

7 I will praise the LORD, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.

8 I have set the LORD always before me.
Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.

9 Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,

10 because you will not abandon me to the grave,
nor will you let your Holy One see decay.

11 You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.