Okay, so this is a much overdue testimony...
In about February of 2006 the cd player in my car went out...you can read the post from this experience:
http://dewheat.blogspot.co
Okay, if you want proof and for the story to be cool, then you kind of have to read that post. So don't read on unless you've read the blog post.
During the first weeks of silence I debated whether to replace the cd player or not, but I simply did not have the money. I looked at Best Buy and was so close to buying one but felt that I was not supposed to. I asked about fixing broken cd players. The guy said that it'd be better to buy a new one or just try cleaning the old one, but he also said that usually once the manufacturer's cd player craps out there's no hope. I pouted then kept the silence.
That Spring of 2006 the Lord was delivering me from depression and taking me into a greater depth of joy with Him. (I even had Sarah Brown living at my house, and anyone who knows her knows that she carries the joy of the Lord and it just exudes from her!). I had been listening to a lot of music that was not uplifting to my spirit and a part of me felt that the Lord took it away as punishment. I soon found that it was more of a blessing and not a punishment--He was using this time while showing me to be careful of what I feed myself.
Since that semester I have had a freedom from depression that I can only contribute to my Father. He is a good Dad and has brought great healing and freedom in my life. He has been allowing me to go deeper in my walk and understand more of how to connect with His Holy Spirit. These times in my car of silence have been some pivotal times to say the least. I have needed these hours and hours of silence to tune my ear in to God and not some radio station or cd.
Well, this last semester in the midst of my student teaching, I began desiring my music. I am a worshiper and love to worship through music. Naturally, I desire to listen to worship in the morning before I walk in the door with 19 students. A time to prepare and let the Lord minister to me.
One morning in October (I believe--I'd have to check my journal), I woke and Nicole also had an early morning that day. We were listening to some Enter the Worship Circle and I just kind of made a comment such as, "Man, I wish I could listen to this in my car before work!"
Nicole, with a confused look, said, "You can."
"No I can't," I replied almost defensively.
Again, confused and more determined, "Yes you can. Why can't you?"
"My cd player doesn't work..."
Even more confused, "What are you talking about? I listened to cds all summer while I used your car when you were in Dominican."
"What?!!!"
"Yah, I promise, it works!"
"It can't work, I just tried it the other day. I try it every now and then just for kicks and it never works. That's even why I don't like taking my car on road trips. No music. God have you been holdin' out on me?! haha"
"You should go out and try it," Nicole prompted, as she handed me a cd.
"Man, if this works then I'm going to yell and I don't care who's sleeping at this hour!"
I walked out to my car, asking God to please restore my cd player. I prayed over my car and even promised only to play worship music from now on. seriously.
I put the keys in the ignition and popped in the Enter the Worship Circle cd...sure enough, music came sounding out of the speakers and a loud yell came from my mouth! No joke, I was floored! God is the true mechanic.
God took me through that season. It was most certainly a season He planned and created. Nicole, not knowing my cd player was broken, listened contently to her cds for an entire month...all the while, it remained broken for me. God, you are funny.
We must ebb and flow with the Spirit and let Jesus work on us however He wishes. You never know what crazy things He's going to do to bring you into a deeper walk with Him. He might just take away your cd player...haha...more than likely, it'll be something you least expect. Go with it and let Him give you deeper revelation of Himself.
I wouldn't say that my season of silence is over--in fact, we can even choose that season sometimes. It's in the silence that I hear His voice the clearest.
Lord, teach me to listen better...give me ears to hear and a heart to understand...eyes to see and a mind to believe. Selah!
Shadowfax...it's a good car to me...and the Lord is even greater!
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