O Wise, Silver Strand

How is it that different periods in our lives can feel so disjointed, almost as if they were in another life time?

I wonder what it will feel like when I'm old and have grandchildren or great grandchildren... Will I feel as though I have lived many lives or will it all seem as if life had passed me by quickly?

I think about how my grandparents are feeling now, as they are reaching their old age and facing the physical fate of consequence and time , a sad but real and in your face reality that sizes up to life choices-- and aside from choices, age and time are not on our side. Her mind is in tact but her body is slowly decaying.

I suppose that we are all slowly decaying, waiting our eternal fate on the other side of this world. It makes me think of when I am at the beach with my Granny-- she always says,

See the line where the sea touches the sky? That is where we walk over to step into eternity and meet God.

I always liked thinking about this as a child and even as an adult it's a nice image to ponder.

I had my first gray hair this year and it was a mild crisis. Yes, I know beauty if fleeting. But when you're still single and starting to get gray hair it makes you care a little more about just how fleeting that beauty really is! Haha Thankfully I'm one to value inner beauty more. Or so I hope that to be the case.

I was in the bathroom and saw it shimmer-- that silver strand of hard earned wisdom. I held my hair back and ran to my coworkers who were also working late that day. I was a little devastated. I'm not going to lie. I'm only in my twenties. Since when does your body start falling apart in your twenties? Yes, I'm being dramatic... but No one told me I would start getting gray hair and have back problems and struggle to lose weight in my twenties! Ha! I pulled out the gray hair and haven't seen any since (thankfully!).

But, that gray hair really made me begin to think about my life and how I'm living my life, where I'm headed, what I value, what I love, and what I stand for. Why am I in Korea? What am I doing?

You have a few forks in the road in your lifetime and the path you choose makes all the difference, or so one poet once said. And in your twenties, you have a few forks that help choose the path you'll go down in the next couple of decades.

I suppose we can always look back and wonder if we chose the right path. I wonder sometimes how I ended up here in Korea. The token white girl among Asians. In a land where being Asian is preferred. Where Kimchi is like a food god. Where pushing and not holding doors is acceptable. Where tall building overshadow the mountains. Is this what I imagined ten years ago? No way! But, I always look at the fingerprints of God and know that this has been a blessed journey from the Lord, no matter how challenging it has been along the way or may be in the future.

I have dreams. Big dreams. Sometimes I want to turn them in and choose something easier. But really, is there an easier way? Life is just hard sometimes. I guess we all want "easier" sometimes. I mean, it couldn't possibly be that I'm in the thick of grad school while being a working professional in a foreign country. No. That's not stressful at all. Haha

I mean, I wonder if people like MLK or Steve Jobs or Einstein ever considered not pushing forward. I'm not saying that I'll do something as amazing as them. Though, I could, maybe. You never know what lies ahead. God uses the commoner. God chooses the foolish to shame the wise. But, the truth is, we're all human and struggle with the same concerns, feelings, thoughts, and struggles at some point or another. Even Jesus asked his Father if there was any other way, if his cup could be taken from him. When he got the answer, he was faithful to walk out his calling.

Baby steps. I will take baby steps and trust HIM.

I'm not one to give up. In fact, I like the challenge. I like to laugh through the hard times (and cry of course). I know that there is so much to behold. This is not a cry for encouragement or a pity party-- rather a stream of thoughts provoked by one discolored hair. I'm just sayin'-- this one gray strand of hair really made me think. A lot. About life. About my future. About what I value. About my past. About who I'm becoming. About the legacy I'll leave. About the people I love. About my relationships. About the path I'm taking. About the promises I'm holding on to and believing. About the things I'm living for. About my relationship with God.

So the next time you get a gray hair or the first time you get a gray hair, just know that it's one hair closer to the other side of eternity. It's one hair more of wisdom. It's one hair closer to God.